DURST: Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Election night is over and the only thing weirder than finding a picnic table in your glove compartment has to be the news that Jesse "The Body" Ventura won the Governor's race in the state of Minnesota. Poor Hubert "Skip" Humphrey. First his old man loses the Presidency to Richard Nixon; now he loses the Governorship to a former professional wrestler. I guess those Humphrey boys don't have a whole lot of luck with subanthropoidal mutants. Just shows you the people of Minnesota respect professional wrestlers more than they do professional politicians. "Hey, at least these guys work out." The new motto of the Gopher State: "Our Governor can put your governor's eyes out with his pecs" How long before Hulk Hogan challenges him to a steel cage match, no holds barred, for the rights to govern. Or Jesse negotiates a settlement in the state legislature by slamming a chair over the head of the Speaker of the House. Then he coerces an arbitration agreement out of state labor leaders by slamming their collective bargaining heads into the turnbuckle. And of course, you got the race in Tennessee, where a state senate candidate who legally changed his name to Byron (Low Tax) Looper stands accused of shooting his opponent, the incumbent, Tom Burks, dead. Talk about negative campaigning. If you ask me, that's taking the whole idea of term limits a little too seriously. Admittedly hampered in his campaigning by being imprisoned, Loopy lost to Tom Burks' widow in a write in vote, by a margin of 97 to 3. Sometimes, America makes you proud at the same time you're appalled. Will Durst loves this country, even though he's frightened of it at the same time.