DURST: Jacques Cousteau
The impossible has happened. The unthinkable has been thunk. Members of Jacques Cousteau's underwater film team claim the renowned French oceanographer faked scenes in his documentaries. Pshaw. Poppycock. Bushwa. In one case, footage of an octopus scrambling out of a tank and hopping overboard was supposedly obtained by pouring bleach in the tank. Yeah, so? I'd hop out overboard if bleach were poured in my tank too. What's your point? How would you go about motivating an octopus? Vague murmurs of warm currents? Eau de flounder? Saucy sketches of plankton? Then some guy says Cousteau told him he had to spend three hours in a decompression chamber because Cousteau was afraid he had the bends. If I were this guy, I'd spend less time whining about his lost three hours in a cozy capsule and more time thanking my lucky stars that the captain was looking out for my welfare. Real nice guys, destroying a dead guy's reputation. I suppose the next expose we'll be privy to is Mother Teresa didn't really care for lepers, they were just folks with bad head colds. Then we'll find out Marlin Perkins didn't even like Jim. And the Skipper abused Gilligan every night in the hut.