DURST: Inflato Boy's Ball

Now that Inflato Boy has finally broken Maris' record, the big deal is every yellow blooded journalist worth his carpal tunnel syndrome is babbling incessantly about this groundskeeper guy who retrieved the ball and then just gave it to McGwire for zip, zero, nada, nothing. Not even a signed empty 55 gallon drum of Androstenedione. Even though some other village idiot had made a blanket offer of a million dollars for the ball. Obviously the scarlet retriever is an employee of the Cardinals and lives in St. Louis and cognizant that he and his family would be about as popular as a wallpaper paste pancake covered in sterno syrup if he had sold the ball, but then again, we are talking a cool million bucks here. You know, ten to the sixth. Fifty grand a year guaranteed in a money market account for crum's sake. Maybe a hundred grand with a halfway decent blue chip portfolio. Not enough to retire to the Cayman Islands but a double wide on any Missouri River floodplain for sure.To add insult to imprudence, the IRS intimated that whoever ended up with the ball would be slapped with a tax of as much as 40% of the ball's perceived value. Then, when they were universally denounced as being poisonous carnivorous dung ants at a day care picnic, they recanted. Of course, now the kid should claim a million dollar gift deduction. So should Big Mac. And stick the Baseball Hall of Fame with the bill. But these days, I'm into payback. Will Durst once caught a ball hit by Joe Rosselli. Joe who? Exactly.


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