Durst: Heat in July

Today there's big news. There's a heat wave in the Midwest. Imagine that. Heat. In the Midwest. In July. What's next? The Pacific Ocean is moist. The French can be annoying. Reagan has Alzheimer's Disease. I know, I know, I know. We're talking really hot. It's so hot, in New York, the streets are redolent with the fragrant aroma of hot urine. No, think about it. We're used to it at body temperature but you add another couple degrees and hoo hoo: it takes on a unique piquant odor that stays with you. As they say in the wine trade, it has a long nose. Tart and yet stony. It's so hot, McDonald's is serving their coffee at room temperature. Its so hot, old people are cooling off by huddling around burning dumpsters. Its so hot, Bob Dornan shut up. Then on Channel 7's Eyewitness Rumors With Sponsors, the blow dried blonde with the 8,000 kilowatt smile says their resident medical expert has important tips to survive the heat: 1. Stay indoors. 2. Wear light colored clothing.3. Drink plenty of liquids. Oh, yeah, that's what we need. People with brainpans so full of Cheez Whiz, that they couldn't figure this out on their own taking up valuable parking spots and threatening to procreate thereby diluting the gene pool even further. That and more lethal bacteria laden ticks. That's what we need. Will Durst has visited the Bridges of Madison County but not read them.

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