Durst: Dole's Nomination

So the only way Dole can lose the nomination is for him to be photographed at a Satanic cult ritual testimonial carcass littered dinner table and since Pat Buchanan is his only competition, it wouldn't matter, because he'd probably be the recording secretary. This means Act One is over, and Act Two is about to start. And I'm not talking about the election campaign. Oh no, that's gotta be Act Eighteen or Nineteen. An altogether different play, written by Sam Shephard with yelling and hitting and repelling personal betrayals; but enough about Clinton's personal life. Act Two is where the President of the United States and the Senate Majority Leader put partisan politics aside, roll up their sleeves, and get to work on the important issues facing this country. Then they'll join hands and dance up the Capitol Steps singing "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head," Then the lobbyists pawn their tasseled Gucci loafers for food to give to the homeless. Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen, Act Two is a fantasy. You'd have a better chance of seeing Bigfoot host an episode of America's Most Wanted than any legislation of note actually getting accomplished between now and November. What are we going to do? How will this country survive eight whole months of inaction and total shutdown.

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