DURST: Distrust

Alternet.org
April 26, 2000

I don't trust lawyers who call losing "a moral victory". I don't trust subliminal tapes. I'm always afraid the subliminal message is "Buy more tapes".I don't trust dogs wearing clothes. Bandanas, sweaters, pants, culottes. Nothing. They're spooky.I don't trust any covering over an underground opening. Especially metal mesh where you can see the bottom.I don't trust weathermen.I don't trust spokespersons.I don't trust the Weekly World News. The Globe, yes. USA Today, occasionally.I don't trust Midwestern sushi.I don't trust evangelists who need to make a comeback.I don't trust people who always wear all black.I don't trust Republican House Majority Leader Dick Armey. It's mostly his name. Couldn't he at least have tried "Richard"?I don't trust people who wear sunglasses indoors.I don't trust radicchio.I don't trust therapists with fresh bruises. I don't trust satin sheets.I don't trust rock and roll singers who smirk during anti drug ads.I don't trust mourners.I don't trust moaners.I don't trust movie reviews from papers or magazines I never heard of. What is 60 second preview anyway?I don't trust talk show hosts who whose major advertiser is Gold Bond Medicated Foot Powder.I don't trust authors who rediscovered their real connection to America on their book tour.I don't trust three out of four doctors. I don't trust financial projections by economists.I don't trust anyone with a hyphen in their name.

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