DURST: Congress' First Term Report Card

When the shadow of Autumn Equinox looms larger than the hair growing out of the mole of the cafeteria lady's nose, it's time to think of school. Every screaming runny nosed child running around with someone else's money is back. Including Congress, and how apropos of them to call their summer vacation a recess. It unreels a mental movie of loosened ties, trampled blue suit coats and high pitched screams as the battle for prime position on the monkey bars intensifies. Olympia Snowe kicking dirt on little Barbara Boxer's shoes. Dick Armey and Newt Gingrich playing King of the Hill on a mound of bright white pudgy cowering underclassmen. Susan Molinari pushing Bill Paxon's swing so hard he slams into the center post, while she distracted, wanders off. With the days disappearing faster than free beer at a frat party after a homecoming win over Nebraska, it's time to hand in the 105th Congress' First Term Report Card. Geography -- C minus; Grade skewed by the large number of Representatives who mistook China for a subdivision in their own district. History -- F; Destined to repeat it. The Republicans totally ignored lessons concerning political suicide supposedly learned during the government shutdown by adding enough pork to the flood relief bill to infect the entire state of Iowa with trichinosis. Mathematics -- Incomplete; Curious theories. Further review by Professor Greenspan expected. Social Studies -- D; Heavy on the social. Light on the studies. Physics -- C; Seems unable to grasp simple concepts like all actions having equal and opposite reactions. Will Durst is definitely a Geno's man.

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