DURST: Commuter Tips

It takes a bit of savvy and a couple of semi-legal maneuvers to survive on most morning commutes. So purely in the public interest I have compiled a list of driving hints for those of you in desperate need to get to work on time just to make sure the people forced to do your share don't screw up. If you follow this advice I guarantee you will get there at least in time to punch out.-- Do everything you can to avoid getting stuck behind Volkswagen vans sporting public television bumper stickers. Fake an accident if you have to.-- Remember, yellow means step on it and the first second of red is really pink.-- If you can't see a head but only two gnarled hands on the steering wheel of the car in front of you, move at least two lanes away immediately. If you can see a hat, one lane is fine.-- Use your time wisely. Don't try to write notes for the early staff meeting while you're headed towards the freeway. Wait until actually on the freeway.-- It really doesn't matter which lane you pick at a toll booth, yours will be the one where the booth operator goes on break, or idiot boy in the Trans Am tries to pay with Canadian pennies and food stamps. The other lanes will always pass you in a blur. Keep reading matter handy. Will Durst is here to help. No thanks necessary.

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.