DURST: Clinton & The Religious Right

In an effort to straddle the middle of the road so tight he runs the risk of having a double yellow line slapped on his forehead by the Transportation Department, Bill Clinton sucked up to the Religious Right and came out against same sex marriages. Oooh, now there's a fragile political limb for him to climb out on; can't wait for his position papers on mad cow disease and the designated hitter rule. But hey, it's an election year; what alternative do homosexuals have? Dole? Perot? Buchanan? It's like offering rabbits a choice between starved rabid foxes and the farmer who only eats them a limb at a time. My theory is that gays have the right to same sex marriages as long as they promise same sex divorces will be as expensive and messy as opposite sex marriages. Why shouldn't they have the same right to property battles, custody disputes and dirty laundry aired in public as heterosexuals. Let each of us know the joy of entertaining in-laws who just happened to drop in from three time zones away. Relationships doomed from the end of the mouthing of the words, "I do." Thrown rings. Then, 100% of the population will know the answer to the age old dilemma: Q. Why are divorces so expensive? A. Because they're worth it.

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