Durst: Buying the Presidency

It's hard to figure out what's funnier about Steve Forbes' dweebal rise to the top of the GOP barrel. That a guy who's as telegenic as a big toe with a cramp is leading the pack or the whining of the other candidates that he's spending too much money. Phil Gramm sniveling on Nightline because Forbes is buying the nomination is like Tonya Harding griping that she got distracted by Nancy Kerrigan's sobbing. Next thing you know, heroin dealers are going to complain that their junkies have lost all incentive. Gosh, Phil, I wonder where Forbes got the idea he could buy an election? Maybe from the umpteen zillion dollars you receive every Monday in a greasy brown paper bag from the NRA? Each one of these guys: Gramm, Dole and Forbes spent exactly the same amount of money in 1995; 19 million dollars. If we're going to elect millionaires, we might as well elect ones who can time their media buys. But maybe the funniest thing is the fact that he looks like a deer caught in headlights so often he adapted. This could be the crystallizing moment in the nationwide trend towards dork chic. Jean Paul Gaultier's fall collection modeled by bespectacled nerds in buttoned up short sleeve white shirts with pocket protectors and pants two inches too short.


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