Durst: Buchanan As President: the Good News

I was brought up by hard working midwestern parents who taught me never to linger in the shadow of the dark side of events, so I'm trying hard here to figure out what the BRIGHTSIDE of having Pat Buchanan becoming President would be. And I have to tell you folks, it's not as easy as you would think. But here goes. * He wouldn't have to build that fence he keeps talking about because both Mexico and Canada would build fifty foot walls of broken glass tipped razor wire to control our emigrants. * Wife Shelly would provide opportunity to recycle all those old Tammy Faye Baker jokes. * Lots more photo ops of him dressed as Johnny Cash. * "Tomorrow Belongs To Me" is a really cool song. * The Haitian government already knows how to process desperate boat people. * Weird laughing style might precipitate a "Fireman Bill" revival. * White House would not have to be renamed. * Could replace Secret Service with volunteer herds of pitchfork brandishing peasants. * Zhironvsky would become respected as a moderate. * "Crossfire" would bronze his chair, hopefully with Robert Novak in it. * Three words: Vice President Furhman.

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