DURST: Bounties Galore
The US Government just posted a five million dollar bounty on the head of Slobodan Milosevic. Brilliant idea. Maybe we can convince Governor Jesse Ventura to take a well deserved sabbatical to lead a group of expatriate Soldier of Fortune or World Wrestling Federation types into Belgrade to kick some Serbian butt and abscomb with Mr. Ethnic Cleansing himself while abusing him worse than a set of encyclopedias owned by a family on the Jerry Springer Show. Not only that, but why should we stop there? Other bounties would seem to be in order to make this planet safe for reasonable folk.$50 to anyone who can actually discover a funny "Family Circus" comic panel.$2500 for Don King's hair. Who knows. It might be the source of his evil power.$10,000 for the capture of whatever genius convinced Bob Dole to do those ED commercials. Take them to the original ED, Elizabeth Dole herself.$40,000 for the public notification of the identity of the PBS programmers responsible for resuscitating John Tesh's career.$80,000 for actual video taped footage of Ken Starr experiencing an emotion other than detached bemusement.100 million dollars for the total and irrevocable elimination of Rupert Murdoch. No questions asked.Will Durst actually thinks he remembers a funny "Family Circus" cartoon but it might have been a dream.