DURST: Bob Dole's Campaign Policy

Bob Dole's campaign policy is similar to intimating that the Antarctica tourist board has been slack in its attempt to attract surfing conventions. The man can't even convince himself. So far his best stab at it has been, "Bob Dole envisions an America that is different -- maybe. Bob Dole is totally opposed to our quality of life becoming worse. A vote for Bob Dole is a vote in favor of our country becoming better, somehow." His actual new campaign slogan is "Bob Dole: a better man for a better America." Just call him the Mo Better Man. Better try to get more specific there dude. The man is obviously in the midst of an identity crisis Marge Schott would find distasteful. "Snap out of it, honey." Robert Downey Jr. has better control of his image. Maybe Beltway Bob is having trouble adjusting to the transition to Bob Dole, Mr. Outsider. He's broke, out of a job and his future prospects look dim. Well, he said he wanted to see what real Americans live like. In his desperate dash for the most important gig on the planet the Bobster has ignored every mother's advice, "Don't quit your day job."