DURST: Bob Dole Has Gas

In the last thirteen weeks gas prices have risen 14% to a five year high, and Americans are whining like second graders who had their Halloween candy rationed by a Mormon Marine baby-sitter. Even though, when adjusted for inflation, therates are still cheaper than when Henry Ford came up with the idea for the locking gas cap. With his National Baby Monitor cranked up high enough to be bothersome at a bagpipe parade, Bob Dole, grabbed onto this issue like a swimmer adrift in a sea of dorsal fins gloms onto a leaking rubber raft. Hoping for a tow to the dry land of Poll Rising he's calling for a repeal of Clinton's 1993 four and a half cent raise in the federal gas tax, ignoring his votes for ten cents in similar raises over the last decade. The "Dole Dime," according to the White House. He is the ultimate grandparent. One of those, "do as I say, not as I do" kind of guys. Next he'll blame Clinton for tight shoes and one ply toilet paper. Not so amazingly, this "electorate as idiots" strategy is working; apparently we Americans actually believe our Constitution guarantees us the right to cheap gas. And cheeseburgers. That's why the English are such wussiesfor not eating the Mad Cows. Here, it wouldn't matter if the burgers were from leprous syphilitic cows or covered with bright red parasite larvae. We'd eat 'em before we got out of the drive-thru.

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

DonateDonate by credit card

Close

Thanks for your support!

Did you enjoy AlterNet this year? Join us! We're offering AlterNet ad-free for 15% off - just $2 per week. From now until March 15th.