DURST: Behavioral Sciences Grades

Earlier we started giving Congress its first term report card. Let us finish the behavioral sciences, shall we? Business Ethics - A: The Newtmeister again, for arranging to pay off his fine with a loan for which he puts up no collateral and doesn't start payments for eight years. (You or I try to set up a loan like that and they'd call large men in white coats to put us in rooms with soft walls forcing us to swallow pills to help us "relax".)Music Appreciation - C: Dissolved disorganized marching band after drum major quit.Sex Education - B-plus: As usual, it was very helpful to have so many motivated self starters in the classroom to set an example. Hope those boys at Pentagon High are watching.Driver's Training - Improvement Needed: Shows skill with frequent stops and sudden turns, but needs to develop proficiency in moving forward without a lead car.Penmanship - Satisfactory: The entire group had beautiful handwriting, never leaving a single fingerprint. Of course, a large percentage have test exams written by lobbyists.Home Room Conduct - Unsatisfactory: Does not play well with others. Refuses to accept responsibility.Attitude - Of Concern: Demonstrates little self control. Exemplified by Dick Gephardt's blatant flaunting of Vice Principal Gore's authority. The man has endeared himself to fellow Democrats the same way poisonous chigger mites in the towel concession charm an Olympic swim team before a freestyle relay qualifying heat.Will Durst thinks poisonous chigger mites are bogus.

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

Close