DURST: Beer Commercials Stink

I am of the opinion that one of the reasons us normal folk get so dissatisfied with our lives is that people on TV seem eminently more fulfilled, which is such serious crap it makes me shiver like a shaved poodle on an unshoveled New York sidewalk in February. Television is accumulated lies. If you actually believe that drinking a certain kind of beer will make fashion models drool over you, you have never partied with them because if you did you would have noticed they drool with exceeding frequency. Or you are driving a car that cost more than the annual salary of a suburban school teacher.That's first.Second, the droolees in these commercials, are not exactly squeeze molders living in a two bedroom townhouse with walls thinner than the toilet paper in a truck stop restroom. They're fashion models too. Professional teeth with augmented cheekbones. Tom Cruise without the brilliant character work. Third, everyone they hang with looks exactly like them. What are the odds? And the place is so clean, these fairy tale folk obviously reside on a planet where Pine Sol is an atmospheric by-product. In my beer ad, the bathroom takes up half the set. Its dank, dark and smells like that rag your dad kept under the basement sink throughout grammar school. Its bar time, when the harsh light of last call reveals true inner beauty. There's a sobbing girl at the corner table, and two guys are hurriedly escorting their buddy to the great outdoors, while he attempts to expel the voluminous liquids he rented earlier.

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