DURST: A Stand for Clinton
Mister Clinton has given some great speeches during the year, but I've written one for him to use in case of extreme duress where he can finally hand down the true message of his Administration. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to say to you, that I like kids. And people who eat kids are wrong. Just plain wrong. They're mistaken is all. And it's not just kids. It's everybody. Cannibalism is not right. I don't mean to make judgements, but that's just me. It's not a 'position' or a 'politically motivated strategy'. That's the truth, and you folks in the press can crucify me all you want, but hey, people shouldn't eat people. That's just how I feel. I've been doing some research, and you know what else is bad? Cancer. It is. I have reams of graphs I could show you. Emphysema... no day in the park from what I've been led to believe. And planting cluster grenades in the steam tables of orphange cafeterias... I'm against it. As a matter of fact, I'm opposed to all orphanage explosions be they man made or misguided acts of God. And you know what: I'm going to go out on a limb here, but... Hitler sucked. What, am I alone here? Who's with me?" Will Durst is with Clinton, Hitler did suck.