DURST: What's More Likely Than Congressional Campaign Finance Reform?
In the first three months of the 105th Congress 57 separate campaign finance reform bills have been introduced. Guess how many have a chance of actually getting passed? If you responded with any number higher than the amount of Popes now living who are not Polish, you are more misguided than sushi at a ballgame, and should seriously consider a combination diet of strained foods washed down with shots of Jagermeister. The thought of these money sieves voting to restrict their ability to get re-elected is less likely than bananas sprouting from the stubs of no. 2 pencils. As a matter of fact, I came up with an extensive list of things more likely than Congress actually enacting significant campaign finance reform, and here it is.WILL DURST'S LIST OF MORE LIKELY THINGS THAN CONGRESSIONAL CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM.* Don King donating all his future management fees to the Make A Wish Foundation.* Siegfried and Roy marrying twin sisters and settling down inPeoria, Illinois as eccentric veterinarians. * Pauly Shore introduced as the new correspondent on "60 Minutes". * Al Gore receiving a charisma implant from Richard Simmons.* Hawaiian shirts and cutoffs replace suits and ties as FederalBureau of Investigation uniform du jour.* Dennis Rodman voted "Dream Date of the Year", by the League ofAmerican Fathers. Will Durst attended consecutive night games at Candlestick and has no feeling in his toes.