DURST: Clinton's Twisted Knee
Okay, so I'm not Bill Clinton's lawyer, which is probably a good thing, but if I were, the lawsuits would be flying so fast, Greg Norman would be giving midnight lessons at retirement communities just to cover the filing fees. I'd hit him with such a flurry of paperwork, the meteorologists in Florida would be issuing a snow alert. The President twisted his knee and tore a ligament while staying at the Shark's house in the wee hours of Friday morning and early reports are he is handling his duties pretty well considering he's all hopped up on goofballs. Al Gore was standing by in case the Prez nodded out, but left halfway through the operation probably to make a few phone calls offering the used stitching thread to eager Chinese contributors. Clinton will be a day late for the Russian Summit in Helsinki, Finland, giving Boris Yeltsin more time to continue his highly unusual post op self medication program which involves large amounts of vodka, a funnel and the mother daughter trapeze act from a local Scandinavian bear circus. No permanent damage is expected from this accident, except Clinton won't be able to jog for six months or so, resulting in a lighter Secret Service schedule and a severe drop in the Pennsylvania Ave. McDonald's monthly sales. Will Durst's handicap is his swing.