DURST: 1998 Predictions
Happy New Year everybody. Hope you didn't party like it was 1999. That would either be extremely premature or the jump start to a bitchin do that I am deeply sorry I was not invited to. It is time for us to wipe the slate clean and start the year percolating with a couple of typically cynical predictions for 1998.Pick your favorites and pass the rest along to your friends.In 1998 I expect to see:*Mike Tyson hits the talk show circuit to publicize his new celebrity diet book but is turned down by everyone except Jerry Springer.*Drew Carey pierces his nipples on live TV, upping the "Ellen" ante.*In an effort to boost his Presidential chances, Sen. Fred Thompson starts dating Priscilla Presley, and toys with releasing an album of rock and roll standards discouraging no one who calls him; King II.*Marv Albert signs a five year contract with Wonder Bra and named co-host with Susan Molinari on the CBS Saturday Morning Show. In a tearful first stab at journalistic ethics, Molinari quits*The ghosts of Chris Farley and John Denver haunt the Academy Awards and spook John Goodman into biting off Jenna Elfman's right ear.*Howard Stern resigns from his radio show and becomes a rival to Raffi with his award winning series of children's albums.*The answer to the question; "What do you call 123 white guys chasing one black guy?" is universally recognized to be: "the PGA Tour".