DURST: 1996 Christmas Gift Wish List

Well, its that time of the year again, where we are filled with the holiday spirit and I am not just talking about the nog, although it does help to brave the malls.No, I'm talking about when crusty curmudgeon-like commentators defame and demean the good will generated by the most holy of all Christian celebrations featuring a fat man in a red suit and pervert it until it is like them: a misshapen and hollow echoing shell of its former self. And now it is my turn to pick the bones of the Yuletide carcass clean. Yeah, I know this bit is drier than a tinsel laden Douglas Fir stuck next to an overheated attic space heater in late February, but what the hell, it's that joyous season of sharing, so let me now offer up to the most deserving of us; Will Durst's 1996 Christmas gift wish list.For NASDAQ Brokers: Mylanta patches.For Chainsaw Al Dunlap: lurking somewhere in his office, a young him. For Baby Boomers Who Still Think Social Security Will Be Around When They Retire: Pixie Dust to stay forever young.For Disney Employees Who Will Forego A Christmas Bonus While Mike Ovitz Gets A $90 Million Golden Parachute: pocket copiers.For Charles Keating: A court order requiring he keep all his money in a savings passbook account earning 2% interest.Will Durst has just gotten started.

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