Ask The Advice Goddess 12
My girlfriend is 22, I'm 32, and we have very different interests. She's still in a stage that I grew out of a few years back -- she's really into rave parties, hanging out at trendy bars and staying out all night at dance clubs and after-hours places. I'm mellower now, and I'm just not into that stuff. The problem is, she wants me to go with her to all of these things. She thinks because I don't want to go, that I don't really care about her. How do we find a little balance?Make it clear to her that you are dying to spend time with her -- you'd just prefer to do it when she's not moshing with hundreds of sweaty teenagers on herbal ecstasy.Your social activities should be divided into "mine," "hers," and "ours." While you shouldn't force yourself to relive your misspent youth on a regular basis, you might make an effort every now and then to accompany your little night owl to places and events that come with a built-in ending -- such as "last call" at the painfully trendy, watered-down-martini-hole-of-the-moment.By the same token, you should invite her to join you at your denture refittings, and, when you're feeling like a walk on the wild side, to stay up past midnight to catch those Miracle Ear infomercials.If, on your evenings alone together, you work hard to convince her that she's loved, lusted after, worshipped and adored by you, she'll probably go a little easier on you on those nights when you just want to sit home in your Barcalounger and pore over that early-admission AARP application.***I'm a thirty-two year old guy. A few years back, I was dating this really great woman for about a year. We were a little immature, and we both made some pretty stupid mistakes, and ended up breaking up. Recently, we've gotten to be friends -- we sometimes run in the same social circle. We've both been dating other people, on a casual basis. Anyway, I'm still very attracted to her, and I want to see if we can try again, now that we're a both a little older and wiser. According to a girl she and I are both friendly with, my old girlfriend was thinking along the same lines. I could just call her and be blunt about it, but I'm wondering if you have any idea for a really romantic way to get back together with her? --Doug, SausalitoGet set up on a blind date...with her.On the fun scale, blind dating usually ranks right up there with being chased by an ax-wielding madman. Invariably, the guy who claims on the phone to be a ringer for Antonio Banderas turns out to look a lot more like Herve Villechaize. He's "freelance," because no one in their right mind would hire him. And he swears, between deep, sucking drags on off-brand cigarettes, that green tea and clean living have cured his herpes.Thus, as the appointed time for a blind date draws near, it's common for women start poring through medical books in search of rare one-day illnesses to which they could succumb, such as 24-hour malaria. They record new answering machine messages, such as "Hi, this is Mary. I'll be in a coma until Tuesday morning. Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you after I snap out of it."However, in spite of countless horror stories, that tiny speck of hope that a blind date could turn out to be "the one," usually gives women the energy to put on lipstick and drag themselves to the big event.You've got your work cut out for you. Come up with a believable alias. Get your mutual friend to describe Mr. Dreamboat -- (you) -- to your former girlfriend in extremely desirable, yet vague terms. Have the friend arrange for your ex to meet you at a romantic restaurant, at which you should reserve a table under your assumed name. Let the maitre d' in on your plans and ask him to seat her when she arrives. Enter the restaurant five minutes after she does. Have a bouquet of her favorite flowers delivered to her just before you get to the table, with a message on the card like, "Here's to feeling that we've known each other for years."When you finally appear, she should feel relieved, delighted and swept off her feet. Take it from there. One caveat, though -- don't try this if she's amongst the humor impaired, lest she make her contribution to your blind dating theme by slipping out the bathroom window between courses.Got a problem? Ask Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, box 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com
