Gay Proms: Separate but Equal?

It was the only memorable moment in what was otherwise a dull senior prom.

Matt Neely, one of the assistant principals in my high school, asked to be my last dance of the night. Surprised, I looked over at my date, Lissa, and asked if it was okay. She nodded, and Mr. Neely and I headed off to the dance floor.

Inevitably, Mr. Neely and I became the center of attention. Students and faculty members began to surround us, forming a circle in the middle of the room. For a while, many stared. But as the song went on, most started to dance.

It was special.

Never mind that Mr. Neely is a married man in his thirties. Never mind that I can't seem to remember the title of that song. And never mind that my first time dancing with a man wasn't at all romantic -- Mr. Neely wanted to make a point, and I, being the only openly gay student in my high school, went along with it.

	"Many high school-aged youth are choosing to attend independently sponsored dances where gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students are welcome to come as themselves -- boys with boys, girls with girls, without a dress code."

Have things changed since then? Doubtful. For one, that was only a year ago. We do see more gay men and lesbians in advertising, on television and in movies than ever before and, in some senses, it is less difficult to be young and queer than it ever has been. But words like "fag" and "gay" can still be heard in the hallways and cafeterias of most high schools and faculty members do little, if anything, about it.

In a 1999 national school survey of 32 states by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, a national nonprofit that works to address gay and lesbian issues in schools, 91 percent of 496 gay students surveyed said they regularly heard homophobic remarks at schools. More disturbingly, they reported that about 40 percent of the time, those comments came from school faculty or staff members.

Only Connecticut, Massachusetts, and most recently California, have laws that protect students from discrimination based on sexual orientation. But more and more high school students are comfortable coming out.

Many young people are taking an active role in fighting homophobia and intolerance. It helps to be organized and to have safe spaces to organize and form a community. What does all this have to do with the prom?

Well, as the prom season approaches, many high school-aged youth are choosing to attend independently sponsored dances where gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students are welcome to come as themselves -- boys with boys, girls with girls, without a dress code.

In cities like New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Boston, gay proms have been happening for years. In some cases, students travel from neighboring states to attend. New York City's Harvey Milk School has held gay proms since it opened in the early 1980s.

Perpich Center: "Differences"

Last month the New York Times ran an article called "With Pride and Corsages, Gay Proms Reach Suburbs." Author Al Baker talked with gay prom organizers and attendees from several suburban areas (like Long Island, New York and St. Petersburg, Florida). He tied the increase in the number of these events with a general trend in young people's early awareness of their sexual identity.

In general this means that kids are no longer waiting to leave home to come out. In this sense, more and more high schools are having to deal with the reality that out queer youth are here to stay. Even outside of progressive, queer-friendly, major metropolitan areas.

When the chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays in Dallas, Texas held a gay prom at a local hotel in 1998, the event -- the only gay prom in the South at that time -- drew a flurry of media attention and a group of protesters from an East Texan church.