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What Happened When I Shot a Porn Movie With a Famous Porn Actor

When James Deen tweeted that he was accepting submissions from regular folks like me to film scenes with him I laughingly turned to my coworker and said, "Oh, let's submit!"

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There was a knock on the door and I opened it while brushing my teeth. I'm late to everything, including my own porn movie. James rolled in with a huge suitcase and an even bigger smile. I signed a bunch of paperwork. At this point he may have complete ownership of all my internal organs. Who knows! The shoot began outside with us strolling through the streets of NYC while he filmed us on his cell phone, just chatting. I read aloud funny good luck text messages from various friends. We got a coffee then sat in front of a church, as one is wont to before a porn, and joked around like old friends on God's front porch. Then it was off to the task at hand and other body parts.

It was just James and a giant (peach) camera. We filmed two scenes. In between we talked about comedy and I mentioned liking John Mulaney. So there we sat on the bed, huddled around my laptop watching John Mulaney's special  New in Town.

After he left I felt really good. There are few words in the English language more annoying than the word empowered. Imagine that feeling but swap it out for a different word because I would sound like a complete asshole if I used it. I started telling strangers all about what I did. I needed a new cell phone charger as my sole purpose in life is to lose cell phone chargers and wallets, and I ended up telling the woman at the Verizon store everything. She made me promise to come back and let her know when it was available because, and I quote: My husband and I love watching porn. I filed her away as my first fan, sort of. That has shocked me the most. People are not only interested in it but excited. It's further proof that porn is not the Wizard behind the curtain it once was. The Sexually Liberated Dorothys of the world have pulled back the drapes to reveal something not quite frightening after all. Surrender Dorothy, turns out she's a submissive after all.

Has anyone been hurt by this decision? The simple answer is yes. It's the only aspect of this entire experience I regret. I am sorry. Those people are handling it in the best way possible and for that I am grateful. I am surprised by how supportive and excited some of my friends have been, to my face at least. I've heard through the grape-bullshit gossip-vine that some people think I did this for the story. They're right. I did it so I could experience something and share it with others, so in a sense yes... it's for the story.

The fact that James and I exchanged a few emails and talked a bit prior made it all feel quite easy. I hardly noticed the camera, the idea that thousands of people would be viewing this soon, or what my ass was doing the entire time. Dear God, what was my ass doing the entire time? That was a month ago. The video went live on his  website Friday. James says it's great! Whatever that means. He informed me that the first part is hilarious, as it was intended to be, which of course speaks to the comic in me. I'm glad that's the case. When I visit his website and watch trailers of other movies I do feel a bit nervous. Everyone does seem pretty goddamn naked. That is completely fine and normal. If you really break down the idea of porn it's quite silly that anyone would react negatively to it. Most of us have sex. A lot of us have used a camera. Some of us have put the two together. At least one of us got paid in money, experience and fun.

 
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