The Three Dumbest Neocon Predictions Since the Disaster in Iraq

By John Dolan, AlterNet. Posted August 25, 2008.

Now that the Beijing games have wound up, we can get on to a sporting event with real significance: a Neocon Olympics to decide the most grossly wrong, stupid prediction by a Neocon pundit post-Iraq. Of course, it's a very rich field. Being totally wrong about absolutely everything is the Neocons' job, and they've been working overtime on it. Their proudest moment had to be in the lead-up to the Iraq war when Kenneth Adelman assured America that democratizing Iraq would be "a cakewalk." Indeed, early Neocons like Adelman and Richard Perle (who predicted that Iraq would settle down "at the first whiff of gunpowder") set the bar for disastrously wrong predictions so high that some have suggested that the trophy be retired in their honor. But doing that would mean shutting out all the more recent Neocon predictions. Their little mistakes may not have cost as many trillions of dollars and thousands of lives as Adelman and Perle's, but give them time. They're doing their best to push us into more disastrous wars, and with team spirit like theirs, they may yet succeed. Here are the top contenders:

1. "The Arab Spring Is Happening Now" by Abe Greenwald, Pajamas Media.

There are many unintentionally funny aspects of this April 13, 2008, article, such as the fact that two of the countries Greenwald cites approvingly, Turkey and Pakistan, aren't Arab at all. But as with all good comedy, it's the timing that makes this article such a winner. To see the joke, you have to remember that Neocons have been predicting an "Arab Spring" for years, in which democracy, once we'd introduced it to Iraq, would spread like a weed all over the Middle East.

Greenwald acknowledges that he and his friends were wrong to claim that "spring" would happen in 2005, but, he assures his gullible readers, they were just a little premature. It's coming right now, he gushes, that blessed spring -- it's just a little late. Democracy is busting out all over, especially in Lebanon! The article's subhead cited Lebanon's "Cedar Revolution" as a sure sign of spring -- the first Arab robin of the Arab spring, as it were -- and the story featured a photo of a Lebanese woman wearing face paint in the shape of the Lebanese national flag. Now the punch line: Less than four weeks after the article appeared, the pro-Syrian Shia militia Hezbollah took over West Beirut, the wealthy seaside district that harbored most of the overpublicized "Cedar Revolution" demonstrators who were the basis of Greenwald's prediction. What made the takeover particularly demoralizing for the Neocons, who regard Iran-backed Hezbollah as Hitler-by-proxy, is that none of the local militias offered more than token resistance. Hezbollah literally walked through Beirut to the sea without meeting resistance, destroyed a TV station that had broadcast hostile stories, and, after its demands were met, walked back out again. The Arab Spring was indefinitely postponed; the Arab groundhog had seen his shadow.

Of course, this wasn't about "democracy," nor was it the disaster the Neocons claimed it was. Hezbollah represents the Lebanese Shia, the poorest and most despised ethnic group in the country. Their victory isn't necessarily bad news unless you're dishonest enough to pretend that the wealthy West Beirut elite that shows up to those "Cedar Revolution" rallies that get so much Western press really represent "democracy." They didn't care much about democracy when it was the Shia who were being excluded for generations from the Lebanese polity, and they don't care about it now. Their goal is to maintain their privileged position; no more, no less. What Hezbollah's victory meant was that a new power, hostile (for very good reason) to Israel and the United States, had triumphed -- and that Neocon prognostications had been wrong again. And not just wrong, but comically wrong -- so ludicrously wrong that in any other country in the world, someone guilty of such a disastrous misreading would be banned for life from the press. Not here, though; Greenwald continues to make stunningly foolish pronouncements every week. Punishment is reserved for those, like weapons inspector Scott Ritter, who dare to be right when all the Neocon pundits are wrong. For being right about the fact that Iraq had no WMDs, Ritter was subjected by Pajamas Media to a classic right-wing character assassination, "Scott Ritter: Anti-War Problem Child." That hit piece appeared on May 3, three weeks after Greenwald predicted the coming of the Arab Spring and three days before Hezbollah took over West Beirut.

2. "Hail Mauritania!" by James Kirchick, Weekly Standard.

See more stories tagged with: neocons, kenneth adelman, abe greenwald, james kirchick, stuart koehl

John Dolan is an editor of the Moscow-based English-language alternative paper, The eXile. He is the author of, most recently, Pleasant Hell (Capricorn, 2005).

Liked this story? Get top stories in your inbox each week from War on Iraq! Sign up now »