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DAILY SHOW: The Entire World Hates the U.S Right Now

"Sorry that you forgot we were kind of d*cks," Stewart apologizes. Sort of.

On Thursday's "Daily Show," Jon Stewart laid out the reasons why everyone around the world hates the U.S at the moment, from killing more civilians with drone strikes than any other country in the world, to spying on basically every big head honcho from every nation.

Then he offered a tepid apology.

“You want an apology? Fine. We’re sorry… that you forgot that we’re kind of d*cks,” he said.

In response to criticism the U.S has received from countries like Pakistan, France and Germany for its unwarranted NSA surveillance, Stewart said such actions were pretty much standard policy in US intelligence gathering:

“If it makes you feel any better, our government isn’t doing anything to you that they’re not doing to us…Have you met us? Meddling in your affairs for our national self-interest is kind of our thing. What part of, ‘Everything we’ve done since the Monroe Doctrine’ don’t you get?” he said.

Stewart added in sardonic fashion:

“Don’t think of us as an overly aggressive, paranoid superpower; think of us as what anyone’s looking for in a partner: a good listener. A great listener. The best listener in the history of the world.”

Watch Stewart's satirical apology: