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8 Appalling Moments by the Right Wing This Week: Gay Marriage Wedding Cakes Edition

Known unknown: Donald Rumsfeld should be replaced by a trained ape.

Photo Credit: Robertson screengrab, Bachmann, Christopher Halloran/Shutterstock.com


The parade of right-wing morons and lunatics marched on this week. Some highlights:

1. Donald Rumsfeld: A "trained ape" would be better at foreign policy than Obama

Donald Rumsfeld continues to both shock and awe us with his arrogance and his psychopathic inability to admit he was completely wrong about every aspect of the Iraq war. Being a psychopath, he still has the audacity to hold forth on questions of foreign policy. That he recently added a dollop of racism to his unwanted commentary on President Obama’s conduct as commander-in-chief, is just par for the course for good ol' Rummy.

In an interview with Fox’s Greta Van Susteren this week, Rummy railed against Obama’s dealings with Afghanistan, and with characteristic colorfulness said that relations with Afghan president Hamid Karzai had gone “downhill like a toboggan” under Obama, whereas all had been rosy under Bush.

“Take for example that we have status of forces agreements probably with 100, 125 countries in the world,” Rumsfeld said, amping up the technical jargon to confuse the audience and make himself look smart, no doubt. “This administration, the White House and the State Department, have failed to get a status of forces agreement.”

He added: “A trained ape could get a status of forces agreement. It does not take a genius.”

Hmm, no racism there.

It is either a known unknown (or an unknown known—we’re never quite sure) that Rumsfeld likes to use these kinds of metaphors, but no, we don’t believe it was an accident. As bad as that is, perhaps worse is his perpetuating the lie that the Bush administration was not a catastrophe for foreign relations, and that he was not hugely responsible for the biggest fuckup, lie and war crimes of all Bush’s merry band of jackals.

2. Pat Robertson: Rape causes atheism.

What planet is Pat Robertson on? Planet crazy, that’s what. On Monday, the “700 Club” host talked about a letter he had received from a confused Christian viewer named Sandra. Sandra was flummoxed as to why a coworker was “hostile at the mere mention of God” whenever Sandra tried to proselytize or “bring her to Jesus.” Reading between the lines, the co-worker did not care for being hounded to go to Sandra’s church, or repent, ‘cause the end is near.

“Should I abandon the idea of being a positive influence on her and just let her perish?” Sandra wondered to the televangelist.

Uncle Patty reads between a different set of lines, and he had a variety of theories on why relentless evangelizing might rub someone the wrong way. Could be something “demonic... something beyond normal human experience,” he conjectured.

Working overtime, his little brain alit on the perfect explanation: “Maybe she had an abusing father, somebody who raped her and acted like he was preaching to her from the Bible,” the TV pastor continued. “You just never know what’s going on in somebody’s childhood.”

Eureka! Case closed.

“Just pray for that anointing,” Pat concluded.

3. Pat Robertson (yeupp, again) points out that Jesus would not have baked a gay couple a wedding cake.

Jesus was a carpenter, from what we’ve read, not a baker, so as far as we know, he was not given to baking wedding cakes for even heterosexual couples. Also, did they have wedding cakes in biblical times? Note to self: research wedding rituals in Jesus’ day.

But historical anachronisms are besides the point when you’re Pat Robertson and you want to make a point about homosexuality.