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7 Odious Right-Wing Statements This Week: The Ignorant Bash Gays in Even New Ways Edition

'Homosexuality is like alcoholism.'

Photo Credit: Christopher Halloran/Shutterstock.com


1. Rick Perry: Homosexuality = alcoholism. Same thing.

The Texas GOP unveiled an all-out crazy platform this week, which includes climate denialism, appointment rather than election of senators, and a repeal of the state’s hate-crimes law. It also includes support for reparative therapy and treatment to patients who are seeking escape from the homosexual lifestyle, which has, of course been completely discredited.

Asked what he thought of the inclusion of “gay cure therapy” in the platform, Gov. Rick Perry first said he didn't know if it works (no, Rick, it doesn’t), then added:

"Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that," he responded, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. "I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way."

Putting homosexuality and alcoholism in the same category is beyond offensive. And not too bright. But then Perry is the guy who said evolution is ”a theory that’s out there,” and thought that was all he needed to say about it. The contemptible comparison between homosexuality and alcoholism only required him to hold two things in his head at the same time, instead of three, which he has a well-known problem doing.

Comic Paul Rudnick wrote a brief and hilarious response to the governor’s confusion called “Driving While Gay,” in which he chronicles some of the things he’s done “under the influence of homosexuality.”

- While driving gay, I once killed a busload of schoolchildren. With an offhand remark.

- I once became visibly gay at a party, and I vomited. Because of the wallpaper.

- A policeman once pulled me over and administered a test to determine how gay I was. The policeman was one of the Village People.

- I once became so gay that I lapsed into a coma. This was right after seeing Gypsy, Cage Aux Folles and Follies all in one weekend.

- I like to think of myself as only an occasional homosexual, but sometimes my gayness gets much worse. Sometimes I wake up gay.

- I once became so gay that I thought Rick Perry was cute. That was when I knew I needed help.

We aren't even going to attempt to top that.

2. Laura Ingraham: Now that same-sex marriage is legal, polyamorous marriages are next.

Laura Ingraham took time out from bashing immigrants and celebrating her anti-immigration, libertarian boy Dave Brat’s upset victory over Eric Cantor this week to bash gay marriage. First, she aired an interview with a young boy being raised in a polyamorous family, a household which the boy described as having “two dads, one mom, and two other people dating each other.”

“That’s a lot to keep track of,” the interviewer said.  

“Not really,” the boy replied.

He may have been unperturbed, but Ingraham was very upset to hear this. (She loves children, except those immigrant kids, who kind of scare her.)

“I thought that was beyond sad and disturbing and very predictable,” she began. “The polyamorous cases for marriage are already making their way through the court system, I believe. I don’t know how the Supreme Court could possibly conclude that marriage isn’t appropriate for them. What’s so special about two? Why not three or four or five? Why not one? Why can’t I be married to myself?”

Yeah, why can’t she marry herself? She’s perfect for herself. Come to think of it, Laura, we fully support your right to be married to yourself, and live happily ever after.