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10 Ways Right Wingers Went Cuckoo This Week -- 'Duck Dynasty' Meltdown Edition

How Chris Christie and a host of right-wingers went off the deep end.

Photo Credit: L. E. Mormile/Shutterstock.com


1. Conservative Hootenanny Over Firing of Duck Dynasty Star

In every cloud there is a silver lining. Phil Robertson may have lost his reality show over his vile comments about gays and blacks unrepentantly spewed to GQ magazine, but look at all the marvelous new friends he made, many who seem ready to anoint him to sainthood. If Mother Teresa had only known that all she had to do was imply that homosexuality leads to bestiality and promiscuity (in that order) and black people thoroughly enjoyed their subjugation in the Jim Crow south, she would not have had to spend so much time taking care of all those poor, sick people.

Okay, okay, we’re exaggerating. No one actually compared the duck patriarch to Mother Teresa. That’s crazy talk. Who would do that? Newt Gingrich just compared him to Pope Francis. Conservative radio host Mike Slater said he is like Martin Luther King, Jr.  Monica Crowley, Megyn Kelly, Bobby Jindal and Sarah Palin all called him some combination of a First Amendment martyr and an example of a good Christian. Illinios GOP Congressional candidate Ian Bayne called him “the Rosa Parks of our generation,” and the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer called him an American hero then warned, darkly that Robertson's suspension is “the Mark of the Beast.”

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

2. Chris Christie’s true colors truly revealed. Astonishing pettiness. Total willingness to abuse power.

Can there be any lingering doubt that Republican darling, Chris Christie, must not be allowed anywhere near presidency? If you have ever sat in traffic trying to cross the George Washington Bridge, (or anywhere, for that matter) assuming all the while, that it cannot be helped. That’s the way it is. There are a lot of cars—too many. Accidents happen. Work must be done. Security must be maintained. These are assumptions that can no longer be made in Chris Christie’s New Jersey.

Chris Christie revealed himself as a man perfectly willing to settle a petty political score (the Mayor of Fort Lee, the New Jersey town just over the bridge from New York, did not endorse Christie for re-election, and Christie’s henchman closed lanes to the bridge on the flimsy pretext of a traffic study to punish him) and to hell with the tens of thousands of people, just trying to get somewhere.

Do not let this out-of-control, bullying man anywhere near the reigns of the IRS, the NSA, the list goes on. Do not.

3. Rick Santorum delivers unhinged, illogical rant about nationalized healthcare.

We may need to run this excerpt from a Rick Santorum speech in its somewhat cleaned up entirety, because we’re still trying to make sense of it. But it seems very ominous. It is about that death-deliverer, government-subsidized healthcare. Even the Iron Lady herself, Margaret Thatcher, was too frightened to take it on. And she was so tough. That’s how scary it is! Then there is this leap of logic that has us scratching our now totally terrified heads. Because if you get sick, and you don’t have healthcare, you die. (Question: So, why isn’t that an argument for providing healthcare to more people?) And, as if dying weren’t bad enough, you also don’t get to vote if you die. So the whole system is rigged, because only living people can vote. And only living people can get healthcare. See?

Here’s Uncle Ricky to explain:

If we have a system where the government is going to be the principal provider of health care for the country, we’re done. Because then, you are dependent on the government for your life and your health…When Thatcher ran for prime minister she said — remember this, this is the Iron Lady — she said, ‘The British national health care system is safe in my hands.’ She wasn’t going to take on health care, because she knew once you have people getting free health care from the government, you can’t take it away from them. And the reason is because most people don’t get sick, and so free health care is just that, free health care, until you get sick. Then, if you get sick and you don’t get health care, you die and you don’t vote. It’s actually a pretty clever system. Take care of the people who can vote and people who can’t vote, get rid of them as quickly as possible by not giving them care so they can’t vote against you. That’s how it works.