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The Palin Doctrine: You Pay for Your Rape Kit, I'll Pay for My Tanning Bed

This is funny ... but pretty much true ... so it's actually kinda sad.
 
 
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Sarah Palin was ambushed by Charlie Gibson with a gotcha question about the Bush Doctrine. Well, maybe Palin isn't an expert on the current president's doctrine, but, as her hero Virginia Woolf would have it, the governator has a doctrine of one's own, the Palin Doctrine, which strikes a balance between governmental largess and governmental neglect.

Under said doctrine, for example, the government will pay for basic necessities such as installing a tanning bed in the Governor's mansion. We all know a depressed Governor makes a depressed state, and nothing gets rid of Seasonal Anxiety Disorder better than a fake tan. So Palin was acting with the economic and emotional well-being of Alaska in mind, when she had a tanning bed installed in her house.

As the women of Wasilla know, however, the Palin doctrine doesn't rejects government hand-outs such as rape kits. During Palin's mayoralty, women were stuck with the tab for their forensic exams, which range from $300 to $1,200. Palin refuses to perpetuate the endless cycle of rape-victim welfare.

Katie Halper is a co-founder of Laughing Liberally , a political comedy group, with whom she performs regularly. Katie is also an Artistic Director and Comedy Curator at The Tank , a non-profit performing arts space for emerging artists.

 
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