Bush Arrives For Convention in St. Paul ... Nebraska?

The tiny town of St. Paul, Nebraska was shocked to the core on Tuesday when President George W. Bush and his presidential motorcade drove past the Pump & Pantry mini-mart on Highway 281 and pulled into the village of just over 2,000 residents.

"This is so exciting," said Ethel Strahan of rural St. Paul as she was strip-searched on the town's brick-lined main street. "I realize they have to violate my rights to protect the President and me from the terrorists and I'm just pleased as punch that he's come to visit."

St. Paul Mayor Willard Ross disclosed in a press conference attended only by the editor of the town's weekly newspaper that the Republican National Committee (RNC) had contacted him in a panic Monday after Hurricane Gustav spared New Orleans and it became apparent that the unpopular president might try to appear at the GOP's 39th national convention. RNC officials asked Ross for his cooperation after they convinced Bush that the party's nominating convention was being held in rural Nebraska to prevent an embarrassing Bush appearance at the event's actual site in St. Paul, Minnesota.