DURST: Packing List for the RNC
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* Inflatable steel reinforced vest in case I get stopped by Philly police for motor violation.
* "How To Speak Texican" airport book to figure out what the hell George W's Texas Ranger security detail is saying.
* Three dozen yellow roses for Barbara Bush.
* Bandanna soaked in eye wash for walk to protest pit.
* Cell phone with three backup batteries and little wire so I can look like a homeless guy talking to myself.
* One copy of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" for Dan Quayle.
* One copy of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" for self to read during slow parts. Also a copy of "Remembrances of Things Past" and "War and Peace" and entire Edward Rutherford collection.
* Palm Pilot VII set up for wireless Internet connection to check email hourly.
* White shoes and belt.
* Two packages each of Tums and Rolaids to follow up taste test tour of cheesesteak shops.
* Scaffolding in case I get conscripted to groom Ted Koppel's hair.
* Snake bite serum.
* Earplugs in case I get caught on elevator with Chris Mathews or Rush Limbaugh.
* Viagra to wave at Bob and Elizabeth Dole.
* "Republicans Do It On Top" t-shirt.
* Portable personal espresso machine as feeble attempt to stay awake.
Will Durst is going to need a bigger bag.