DURST: Gas Price Celebrations

By Will Durst, AlterNet. Posted July 18, 2000.

They're spraying the streets of the Midwest with out of control hoses to celebrate the price of gas dropping thirty four cents a gallon since the Feds announced they're going to investigate who or what is responsible for the rapid ascent in gas prices. Besides the timing being a bit more suspicious than a brown towel in a frat house in May, we're not talking a MENSA hall of fame panel here. Guys with a blind spot the size of Montana. Like somebody looking for glasses perched on the top of his head, and nobody wants to tell him.

"So, where do you think the cheap gas went?"
"I honestly have no idea."
"Well, where did you see it last?"
"Texas."
"Hmmm. Isn't that odd? In an election year and all."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. So what else you thinking?"
"Probably just distribution problems. Or those freaking A- Rabs. I always knew that Desert Storm thing would come back to bite us in the ass."
"Anybody check recent oil company quarterlies?"
"Got to be the EPA. 'We're cleaning up the environment.' Why? What's their angle? Ask yourself; who's getting rich off of this?"
"I give up. Who?"
"I got a guy on it. But so far, nothing."
"They're good."
"That's what I'm saying."
"How about looking into record oil companies profits?"
"I know. Its those damn tree huggers. I hear that Julia Moth-Human person just wrote a book. Maybe its the weather. Hey, where you going?"

Will Durst thinks its probably got something to do with the baseballs being
wound too tight.

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