DURST: Home Schooling Advantage

This can't be good. The top three finishers in the 73rd Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee were all home schooled. Which means they do not go to public school, nor do they go to private school, but rather to the privatist of all schools, the one that comes with no seat in the back of the room next to the terrarium to crouch down in. You know, one where the teacher also happens to clean the poop swipes out of your undies. The kind of school where you can never finesse whether or not you had a homework assignment. Finally proving to America how efficient a one-to-one teacher-to-pupil ratio really is. Can't wait for Bush, Gore and Buchanan to jump into this fray. "What this country needs is more home schooling vouchers." "This country needs home schooling vouchers like they need bronze hair." "These kids are obviously commie pinko yellow rat bastards who need to play more Bombardment in physical education." And excuse me, but when exactly did the National Spelling Bee get a sponsor? What's going on here? Are these kids also getting incentive clauses? George Abraham Thampy of St. Louis, who won the damn (Latin origin) thing, placed second a week ago in the National Geography Bee, probably sponsored by travelocity.com.

Will Durst tried out for the 45th National Spelling Bee, but stumbled on the word "blunder."