On Michelle Obama and Patriotism

The right-wing "outrage" and "discussion" about Michelle Obama's patriotism would be utterly laughable if so many people, including the urban-mythical "liberal" media, weren't actually treating it like it was an important topic of discussion. On FOX and in some of the comments to our newest blockbuster video, FOX ATTACKS! Michelle Obama (216,000 views and 32,750 petition signatures in less than 24 hours!), the right sees themselves as CSI agents who have unraveled the Mystery of the Unpatriotic Candidate's Wife. Because of two misinterpreted and overanalyzed statements, Michelle Obama has been "exposed," her "true identity" revealed! She isn't proud of America! She seems "bitter"! She's actually a Marxist black supremacist sleeper agent bent on destroying and enslaving white America! She must be stopped!

Seriously. This is what many Republicans seem to believe. And they're very proud of themselves for figuring it out.

If there were a movie about a fiendish terrorist plot to destroy America through an overly critical Black Panther disguised as a presidential candidate's wife, it would tank even if it was a Bourne sequel.

"Good work, Agent Hannity! You've caught that Marxist Black Panther terrorist first lady before she had a chance to destroy America with her negative outlook on things! We'll make sure she's imprisoned indefinitely without charge and tortured as a monument to how proud you are of your country."

It's quite possibly the stupidest idea I've ever heard, yet it's one of the main Republican strategies for winning the presidency. And the nightmare scenario of Michelle Obama as first lady is apparently keeping Republicans up at night. Maybe the right thinks it's so "strong on terror" because they are able to conduct their daily lives while simultaneously being terrified of gays, Mexicans, liberals, terrorists, age-appropriate sex education, rappers, Muslims, the sanctity of their marriages, secularism, video games, revealing clothing, naked statues, TV shows, Janet Jackson's boob, sexy advertising, driving in smaller cars, Iran, France, San Francisco, brown people, black people, and black presidential candidates and their wives. With a list like that, you can see why they're so scared — they're waging multiple World Wars of terror in their heads every day.