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Mommy, Can I Be Elian Too?

"Hello, my name is Christian Connor. I am six years old, and I am seeking asylum -- in Paris, where they have chocolate crescent rolls as big as my head."
 
 
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Hello, my name is Christian Connor. I am six years old, and I am seeking asylum too.

I don't like living in Flint, Michigan and want to live in France instead. Paris, to be exact, the 17th Arrondissemont, near this great pastry shop where they have chocolate crescent rolls as big as my head. My Dad lives there with his new wife Marguerite and they have puppies and the new SEGA Dreamcast and its a lot better than here because when I'm with my Dad I don't have to go to day care, which is icky because the other kids are dumbasses and don't even know how to speak French.

My mom has to work all the time in Michigan and it gets really really cold, and I don't like it cuz it stinks. No really, it does, all the time. Like burning garbage or something. And in France they don't have real potteys but these holes in the ground you poop in and its cool and you can bring your doggies right inside the restaurants and they eat with you.

And oh yeah, the government here is more strict like Mrs. Ratchet at Wee Pals Day Care and they let you play with more toys over there and the cheese is better too. Not as good as where my cousins live in Wisconsin but even Mom says she wouldn't live there if they paid her.

So, please let me go to France, and put me on TV too. That's way cool.

Will Durst thinks every family court is going to need a customs specialist.