Draft Dave Chapelle!

I ask this urgent question not only because I terribly miss his late, lamented Comedy Central show, which had some of the most gut-bustingly funny moments I have ever seen on television. I'm also asking him because we specifically need him now, at this particular moment in our history.

I count the general election campaign as having begun on June 3, the night of the final primary. That was only two weeks ago, yet already this campaign has jumped the shark, bigtime. I can't decide when the exact moment was. Was it the "terrorist fist bump"? The Barack Obama monkey doll? The Michelle Obama "baby mama" chyron on Fox? Mickey Kaus's asstastic musings on whether the election of Barack Obama would be the end of bling"? Or maybe, just maybe, it was [this racist button sold at the Texas GOP convention, at right].

I can't decide. But the point is, if this is what the first two weeks were like, how the hell are we going to hold on until November?

That, Dave Chappelle, is why we so desperately need you. I did some searching around the web, but you seem to be MIA -- no movies or tv shows in the works, and not even (so far as I could determine) any tour dates, either.

But Dave, we have never needed you more. And dude, you just know the material writes itself. I mean, terrorist fist jab? Baby mama? The end of bling? With fodder like that, you can't go wrong! It's comedy gold, my friend, and you know it.

Come back to television, Dave. The only way we sane Americans will be to survive the batshit crazy racist bullshit coming down will be if we can laugh at it. And I know of no living person in America who has been more brilliantly, groundbreakingly hilarious about race than you.

Your country needs you, Dave. Your return to television would be the highest form of patriotism. Come back, before the entire goddamn country loses its shit.