Durst: Teenage Smoking

By Will Durst, deleted. Posted April 26, 2000.

Oooh, Clinton has really climbed out on a political limb now. He's come out against teen age smoking. Next thing you know, he'll lodge his unequivocal aversion to chigger mites. Can't wait for his position paper on crib death.  Banning brand name sponsorship of sporting events is what's going to get him into the most trouble. Hell hath no fury like a Winston Cup racing fan scorned.  Hillary's Husband is going to get the FDA to declare nicotine the official heathen devil weed of the 90's, and ban all vending machines within 1,000 feet of schools which will harm the teachers more than anything.  Personally, I think the only way to get kids to stop smoking is to have their parents encourage them to puff away like a stopped up chimney. Tell them its way cool to start off the day with a quick fag, and penalize them if they don't finish at least a pack a day. "I want to see yellow between those fingers young man!"  I guarantee by third grade, there will be an underground network of butt disposal cabals. But then Bill would never know the relaxing effects of lighting up after a hectic day. After all, he never inhaled.

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