Durst: Chain Gang Job Training
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Alabama Prison Commissioner, Ron Jones, the gentle soul responsible for reviving chain gangs in May has just reinstituted that Hollywood staple, the rock pile. He said turning rocks into gravel is "something meaningful for these inmates." Well, yeah, sure. After they get out of jail, think of the all the opportunities their learned skills will avail them. Um, they could work as door to door freelance pulverizers. "Need anything big smashed into itsy bitsy little pieces ma'am?" Perhaps a future as a consultant in the burgeoning gravel analyzation field. "That load of West Virginia dusky quartz tends to stay sharp. Might want to wear long pants while playing Frisbee near it." Even the so called barbaric punishments of old can provide hidden benefits for the modern inmate. I'm sure its possible for some state agency to fund a couple of studies that would find inscription into the galleys of slave ships increases hand/eye co-ordination, promotes upper body development, and supplies crucial hands-on training in both timing and teamwork. Of the stocks, it could be said they create a disciplined environment for involuntary meditation. Not to mention the chance to furnish children with a remote Cat's Cradle playground. And the Iron Maiden is perfect for administering non supervised acupuncture treatment.