Durst: Political Liars
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First Nixon abdicated because of tapes, now Packwood resigns because of his diaries. It's true, Washington just doesn't get it. The secret seems pretty easy to me. So here is your Will Durst Handy Hints to scamming your way through. 1. Don't take notes. Wing it. Or for crum sake, at least use a code. When discussing sexual conquests, a baseball scoring grid with a pitch count might suffice. 2. Personalize your entries. With a name like Packwood, I'm sure notches on an ax handle or blunt toothpick tallies would work as personal reminders. 3. Be creative. When discussing illegal campaign contributions, don't write "what was said in that room was enough to convict us all", where a bunch of crudely drawn smiley faces behind bars gives out the same basic information. 4. When you get caught. Burn the evidence. Pull a Reagan. Don't recall. Hundreds of times if necessary. Just recently Ron wrote a letter to the press announcing he had Alzheimer's Disease. Who knew? This just in -- Fire is Hot! Mexico -- full of Mexicans! My theory is: Reagan wrote the letter fifteen years ago, just forgot to mail it. You do have to give Packwood credit for giving it the old Congressional try. He said out loud in front of television cameras that some of the stuff he wrote in his diary wasn't true. But which rings truer to you? A. "I can't remember" or B.; "I was lying then, but I'm not now."