Florida Couple Busted for Having Sex on Church Altar

I simply don't want to hear any more from the Sally Kerns or Jim Naugles of the world about my ability to destroy civilization when they cannot even keep their own horny, depraved heteroworld in order.

In this story out of Sanderson, Florida, we also learn about an alternative spelling for brassiere. That or the woman was going to toss a few shrimp on the barbie after the holy rolling.

Deputies in Baker County arrested a couple caught having sex in a church. Baker County Sheriff's Deputies say they received a call about a suspicious person outside the Mount Zion Primitive Baptist Church, on the night of March 11th.

..."Her drawers [were] in the stands. Her brazier was over on the outside the stands," Deacon Lonzie Altman recalled from his conversation with deputies.

According to the offense report, deputies found Crystal Rowland, 24, behind the altar. Rowland was taken into custody. She told deputies that Matthew Pearce, 28, was still inside. Deputies found him underneath the church, partially dressed.

Red tea candles were also collected from the church. Deputies say there was splattered red wax all over the altar. "I don't know what has become of the people [that] somebody would just do something like that in a church," said Altman.

...When asked why they decided to have sex inside the church, police say Rowland told them she wanted a "spiritual and sexual experience."

..."Don't think that the lord ain't got something for them," said Altman.