Durst: CIA Psychics
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The CIA has reluctantly admitted that the stories of them using intelligence provided by psychics is true. I knew that. Don't ask me how. I had a hunch. I also know this means from now on we'll see infomercials from the Psychic Friends Battalion, featuring stirring speeches from General Dionne Warwicke, and an inspirational closing spiel from Chief of Staff Shirley MacLaine. Next, the National Weather Service will be recruited to draft our new Bosnian policy. This is the same CIA that deliberately fed misinformation about the Russian military buildup to three Presidents because they didn't want to alert the Russians they knew their double agent, Ames, was blown. This is the guy who bought a half million dollar house with cash, then eight years later the agency gets suspicious. Who was doing internal security here, Stevie Wonder? To call these recent turn of events a public relations blow is like calling John Wayne Bobbitt's chances of receiving NOW's "husband of the year" award, slight. The CIA needs to reinvent itself. Maybe a couple of bake sales. All their field agents could wear glasses to make them look real smart. Or force them to dress up as big pink bunnies and hand out Easter eggs to diplomatic children. Bug the eggs of course. No use trying to change a leopard's spots.