News & Politics
DURST: The Besieged Republican Candidate For President
April 25, 2000
Heee's Baaack! In a twist of fate as surprising as middle aged white guys opposing affirmative action, this summer's hottest sequel features the grisly spectacle of a lonely old man fighting incredible odds in his battle against the social aliens of America's Babylon.SEE the ancient one strafe the entertainment capital of the world with his tortured logic. WATCH as the besieged Republican Candidate for President goes to the well one time too many. HEAR the anguished groan of his handlers as GRANDPA Bob talks about movies he would like to watch, if he ever did go to movies which he doesn't. WINCE as the list is read: Sound of Music, Ten Commandments and Forrest Gump, mainly because it's an unbelievable fantasy about a disabled guy who through sheer gumption conquers the world. (get it?) RECOIL as the Family Values issue rears it's ugly head again. BRACE yourself for another round of long boring chases down hauntingly empty hallways as both sides indulge their forbidden desires in frightening useless arguments to distract us from the dangerously ugly morass of real issues that can't be answered in simple 6 second sound bites.Welcome my friends to the show that never ends. LINE up to see Bob Dole star in Hollywood 2. This time it's personal!