Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons

Yesterday's New York Times had the sobering story:

Fall, the long-running series of shorter days and cooler nights, was canceled earlier this week after nearly 3 billion seasons on Earth, sources reported Tuesday.

The classic period of the year, which once occupied a coveted slot between summer and winter, will be replaced by new, stifling humidity levels, near-constant sunshine and almost no precipitation for months.

"As much as we'd like to see it stay, fall will not be returning for another season," National Weather Service president John Hayes announced during a muggy press conference Nov. 6. "Fall had a great run, but sadly, times have changed...." The cancellation was not without its share of warning signs. In recent years, fall had been reduced from three months to a meager two-week stint, and its scheduled start time had been pushed back later and later each year.

What makes this especially sad funny ironic is that, the same day, the New York Times also ran a front page news story on how the fashion industry is turning to climate experts to help them respond to the bizarre weather and changes in seasons we have been experiencing. In a stunning case of life imitating art, the Times quotes Michael Alexin, vice president for apparel design and development at Target, on what is happening to the fall (fashion) season:

"Retailers used to consider September the start of fall," Mr. Alexin said. But Target now stocks lightweight jackets during that month, waiting until November to sell heavy coats. And even then, Target is avoiding the thickest fabrics. "We sell very, very little wool," Mr. Alexin said.