The E-mail According to Luke

By Randy Alfred, AlterNet. Posted April 26, 2000.

Archaeologists working in the Holy Land have discovered an ancient diskette mixed up with the Dead Sea Scrolls.Here is what they found on the diskette. ------------------------------------------------------Date: Mon, 2 DecTo: all@gol.comFrom: Caesar_Augustus@Rome.govSubject: Taxes, CensusI decree that all the inhabited world shall be counted and taxed. You must every one go into your own city.------------------------------------------------------Date: Wed, 4 DecTo: Inn@Bethlehem.comFrom: nazrthjosph@gol.comSubject: ReservationsPlease reserve room for two, perhaps three, for December 24 to January 6.------------------------------------------------------Date: Fri, 6 DecTo: nazrthjosph@gol.comFrom: Inn@Bethlehem.comSubject: RE: ReservationsSorry, no room available. We've got the Hanukkah rush and the census crowd. Thank heaven Athens beat us out for the Olympics this year!Why not come in the off-season and get our special rate?Anyway, if you have a forms-capable browser, you can register for the census and pay your taxes on the Med Wide Web at http://mww.Caesar.gov/render.html.------------------------------------------------------Date: Sun, 8 DecTo: Inn@Bethlehem.comFrom: nazrthjosph@gol.comSubject: RE: RE: ReservationsForms-capable browser? You must be kidding! It'll probably take Galilee OnLine a couple of thousand years to work out access like that.Please place us on waiting list for room.------------------------------------------------------Date: Mon, 23 DecTo: Inn@Bethlehem.comFrom: healthdept@ci.beth.judeaSubject: Temporary PermitDue to the crush of taxpayers and holiday visitors, you are hereby granted a permit to use your stable, barn, or any agricultural outbuildings for temporary lodging or shelter for up to 30 days from this date.Address any appeals to: Herod@Jerusalem.gov ATTN: Manger Manager-----------------------------------------------------Date: Wed, 25 DecTo: Webmaster@houseofdavid.netFrom: nazrthjosph@gol.comSubject: It's a boy!Unto us a son is born.Let the family know. He came upon a midnight clear, away in a manger. Hope to upgrade room.Love, Joe-----------------------------------------------------Date: Wed, 25 DecTo: shepherds@nightwatch.comFrom: heraldangels@lord.orgSubject: Hark!Tidings of great joy: Unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour.-----------------------------------------------------Date: Wed, 25 DecTo: shepherds@nightwatch.comFrom: heavenlyhost@lord.orgSubject: Praise the Lord ...Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.-----------------------------------------------------Date: Wed, 25 DecTo: shepherds@nightwatch.comFrom: heavenlyhost@lord.orgSubject: ... and Pass the AdmonitionIf ye do not act now, rates for heavenly hosting Web sites will go up January 1. Sign up now to lock in current prices, so ye can make known abroad (at our famous low rates) the saying which was told you concerning this child, glorifying and praising God for all the things that ye have heard and seen, as it was told unto you.-----------------------------------------------------Date: Wed, 25 DecTo: heavenlyhost@lord.orgFrom: shepherds@nightwatch.comSubject: RE: ... and Pass the AdmonitionAngels we have heard on high. We'll sign up, but only if you can get us the domain name we want: FirstNoel.com.-----------------------------------------------------Date: Wed, 25 DecTo: nazrthjosph@gol.comFrom: melchior@magi.eduSubject: Star sightingWe've seen the light! Heading your way. May take a few days.Gaspar wants to pick up some gold, frankincense, and myrrh before leaving. And for some reason, everything seems to be closed today. Also, transportation is heavily booked westward leading, still proceeding. We just got bumped off a caravan because Balthazar wanted a non-smoking camel. See you January 6 or so. Sorry we'll miss the bris. So, what are you going to name the kid, anyway?

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