News & Politics
DURST: Cloning Mania on the Horizon?
April 25, 2000
Ian Wilmut, a British researcher working at the Roslin Institute in Midlothian, Scotland, cloned a sheep the other day, and people are flipping out like their morning coffee was spiked with major doses of primo Owsley acid. The purple kind. If you can clone a sheep, then all sorts of ethical questions lie in wait right around various similar looking corners, not the least of which is; will society be better off with hundreds of Heather Lockyears littering Hollywood Boulevard? And what happens when the industry is flooded with cheap fly by night Cloning Clinics producing substandard clones, like Xeroxes without any toner? Imagine the streets full of Heather Lockyear clones who weren't smart enough to dye their hair and get their teeth fixed. Frightening, isn't it? A Presidential advisory board on bioethics is going to push cloning to the top of its agenda, which means President Clinton has finally found a way to beat that tricky 22nd Amendment and figured out a way to succeed himself. The good news is you can't clone from dead cells, so Hitler is off the board along with Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan. Unfortunately, that still leaves Bill Gates eligible as a donor. Can't wait for Windows 2000. Probably comes with cloning capability. And is still won't work as well as a Mac. Will Durst is a clone daddy wannabe.