COMMENTS: 103
Wedding Trashers: Why Brides Are Destroying Their Dresses
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The past year has seen the rise of a gleefully destructive post-wedding ritual: the "trash the dress" photo shoot, in which the bride models her gown while romping in the ocean, climbing up a fire escape, rolling in the mud, or, in at least one occasion, riding a horse. These sessions take place after the wedding. Sometimes the groom is around; sometimes he's not. The resulting photos often exude a gentle gothiness, like album covers from bands playing the second stage of the Lilith Fair circa 1997.
There's something both appealing and disturbing about the idea of a bride wrecking her expensive gown. As a culture, we're obsessed with weddings. A recent spate of books, articles and TV shows about this wedding obsession has raised our level of self-awareness; in fact, we're now a nation obsessed with wedding obsession, tsk-tsking in front of the new season of Bridezillas on the WE network and wondering why all those other women are such nut jobs. The problem is that it's a closed loop: Whether you're fretting about your own invitations or someone else's invitation-induced nervous breakdown, you're still reacting to the American cult of the bride, that gracious, white-clad perfect host.
Dress trashing seems like a potential way out of the loop, a temper tantrum aimed at the restrictive rules of bridal femininity -- albeit a photogenic one. Online, the trend coalesces around TrashtheDress.com, a Web site created in September 2006 by Louisiana photographer Mark Eric. The "godfather of trashing," according to Eric, is Las Vegas wedding photographer John Michael Cooper, whose casino-noir style and punk swagger (his company is called altf, short for "alternative fucking photography") helped shape -- and, more important, brand -- this new kind of bridal photo.
In February of 2006, on the group blog for photographers Wed Shooter, Cooper published an essay titled "Show Off! a.k.a. Trashing the Dress" about some pictures he'd taken in the Nevada desert. Stumbling upon an unearthly area of burned-up mesquite, he decided that what would really complement the post-apocalyptic landscape was a woman in a wedding dress. Four of his bridal clients turned him down, fearing they'd get dirty, so he bought a gown for $100 on eBay and got a friend to model. The resulting pictures were so unusual and haunting that brides began requesting similar shoots, and Cooper started posting them on photography forums.
Eric read the Wed Shooter piece and got inspired. That May, he pitched a trash-the-dress session to Shana Strawcutter, a free-spirited New York bride. As a gift to her, he registered TrashtheDress.com and uploaded a slide show of photos: Shana in a dingy-floored cake shop, Shana standing in the rain in Times Square, Shana jumping in a fountain. A regular on several online forums for photographers, Eric soon began seeing similar bridal photos snapped by his colleagues and realized his choice of domain names had been prescient. In September 2006, he turned the site into a gallery for these trash-the-dress pictures and published an open call for submissions. It grew slowly but steadily, reaching 100,000 people by May 2007. Then the New York Times, "Good Morning America" and "Entertainment Tonight" came calling, and within less than a month the number of readers had nearly quadrupled. Clearly, trashing the dress had tapped into a rich vein of bride rage.
According to Eric, the idea had actually been around for years at destination weddings, where photographers would take their clients out to the beach for "newlywed sessions," also called "day-afters." Both names suggest gauzy, softcore photos of couples reenacting the famous shore scene in "From Here to Eternity," and both carry a certain winking innuendo. "Trash the dress" sounds infinitely cooler. Ironically, Cooper doesn't like the term, preferring to call the pictures "anti-bridals." But by coining a phrase that focuses on the gown instead of the woman inside it, he managed to turn an element of pleasant (if racy) travel photography into an act of rebellion. As Mark Eric puts it, the point is to "make Grandmaw gasp."
The last big trend in wedding photography was photojournalism, a reaction to the stiffness of posed family shots. For a while photographers revered candidness and recoiled at the idea of staging a shot. That style doesn't always yield the best pictures, though, so more and more couples are hiring people who would rather play fashion director than news photographer. Most photographers view trash-the-dress sessions as a bonus and don't charge for it unless a different person shot the wedding. They tend to love the sessions because it gives them a rare chance to be creative with a bride; often, they're the ones who bring it up, once the traditional shots are all finished. "People pick me because my photos are nontraditional anyway," says Denise Neufeld, a wedding photographer in California. "So I haven't encountered any resistance."
The wedding dress is the centerpiece of the American wedding industry, and it occupies nearly as big a role in the minds of many brides-to-be. The average gown costs $1,841, though designer dresses can go up to $10,000. Women spend months looking for the perfect dress, then spend even more time getting it fitted. Even boho brides put hours into finding the perfect wedding-dress alternative (see the bustling forum on IndieBride.com). And the obsessive focus doesn't stop once the big day arrives. According to Neufeld, her clients spend their wedding receptions worried about keeping the dress clean, so deliberately dirtying it up acts as a kind of release.
Of course, the emphasis on perfection goes beyond the gown. Couples struggle to please family members, satisfy their own fantasies, and fill the requirements of tradition -- often contradictory goals. Dealing with all these constraints on their behavior can make people feel trapped and enraged. Wedding magazines and Web sites make things worse by constantly reminding the bride that this is her one shot for fairy-tale romance; life will never get this magical again. That kind of pressure often leads to New Year's Eve syndrome, wherein it's completely impossible for the event to live up to the hype. After the wedding, the stress ends, but often there's a sense of letdown: The party's over, the vows have been said, so now what? This can be especially hard on women, who exchange the culturally exalted and powerful role of bride for the ho-hum role of wife.
In April, TrashtheDress ran an essay by a bride named Andrea Santos, who called her experience therapeutic. "There's something about taking such a strong symbol of the wedding and destroying it, that liberates you ... frees you from the residual stress from the wedding ... There is nothing holding me to the wedding anymore. I have the pictures, I have memories -- that's all I need. I'm done with it, ready to leave it behind and move forward."
Eric adds that trash-the-dress sessions are fun because they "put the bride on a pedestal." This is ironic for two reasons: First, instead of setting her up as a subject for worship, the photos often literally do the opposite, lowering her into a bayou or city fountain. Second, it's exactly what every wedding industry specialist says about their business. As rhetoric, it doesn't differ at all from the ideas behind the stiff, formal aesthetic these brides are supposed to be rebelling against.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
So why all this fuss over a dress? Wedding clothes are uniforms: They tell viewers who plays what role, and how we should react. In a culture with such a high premium on individuality, uniforms are bound to inspire some rebellion. Look at the way girls at private or parochial schools that require matching dress tend to modify their outfits in small ways, rolling up their skirt waistbands or wearing conspicuous jewelry.
Rebelling against bridal gear means giving up a lot of power and privilege, though. When people say all brides are beautiful, they don't mean that ankle-length white dresses are universally flattering -- they mean that the costume confers a mantle of beauty. Women grow up constantly aware that they're being judged on their looks; a wedding is the one time when they're guaranteed to ace the test. Who wants to surrender the chance to be the most captivating person in the room? Trashing the dress allows for a kind of punky sticking-it-to-the-manness that allows women to feel unique without losing their bridal power.
Few material objects climb in value and then depreciate more quickly than a wedding dress, trashed or preserved. On purchase, it's worth several thousand dollars; on the big day, it's nearly priceless. (You could make a fortune kidnapping and ransoming wedding dresses on Saturdays in June.) The day after that -- closet fodder. Mummifying a gown for storage usually costs between $200 and $400, though for a complicated dress the price could go as high as $800. The Association of Wedding Gown Specialists brags about its trademarked MuseumCare process, also used by curators at both Christie's and Sotheby's. The point is to turn the dress into a relic. It's a way to hold onto your bridal experience, like Miss Havisham if she'd landed the man.
Trashing the dress rebels against this high-maintenance nostalgia. Brides rarely want pre-worn gowns; in 2006, only 10 percent said they had bought a used dress. But ruining the dress, as many have noted, isn't any less wasteful than stashing it in the attic. Jane Eaton Hamilton, a photographer in Vancouver, British Columbia, says she's helped two brides trash Vera Wangs. Mucking up a designer gown is certainly a decadent gesture; then again, so is buying one.
Hamilton and other trash-the-dress proponents are quick to mention that few dresses are really ruined: "You don't really get much dirtier than you would at the reception." So why not just take pictures of the reception? Getting married excuses a lot of self-indulgence -- one could argue that the entire ceremony is about indulging yourself, and the selfhood of your mate -- but no one should mistake trashing the dress for a less narcissistic option. It still involves playacting, just of a different kind: Instead of pretending to be well-mannered Victorian society ladies, as in traditional wedding photos, brides pretend to be mud-splattered waifs, faking rebellion for posterity.
Would the dress trashers jump into fountains and roll on the beach without the photographers around? The point of trash-the-dress sessions is the documentation, but that's also their fatal flaw. A friend of mine recently ran into an acquaintance and his new wife the night of their wedding. They'd gone straight from the reception to a local bar, and the bride, still in her white gown but now supremely drunk, was puking over the curb. That is an authentic expression of dress trashing. It doesn't have to involve binge drinking, but shouldn't the fun inspire the photos, rather than the other way around?
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Posted by: sashi on Jul 5, 2007 12:35 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» RE: my god. . .
Posted by: christastropher
» While I get your point... and love the way you presented it...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» My thoughts exactly when seeing yesterdays....
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: My thoughts exactly when seeing yesterdays....
Posted by: christastropher
» Oh, no no.... I suggest...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Oh, no no.... I suggest...
Posted by: christastropher
» "Competetive Fasting" = Anorexia
Posted by: kww355
» Don't put words in my mouth. nm
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: "Competetive Fasting" = Anorexia
Posted by: PirateJesus
» How about a TOFU DOG eating contest (organic, non-GMO, non rainforest soy beans)?
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
» RE: my god. . .
Posted by: Logic's Edge
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Posted by: White middleclass male on Jul 5, 2007 2:35 AM
Current rating: 2 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
"There's something about taking such a strong symbol of the wedding and destroying it, that liberates you ... frees you from the residual stress from the wedding ...
It wont free you from your credit card bill.
When people say all brides are beautiful, they don't mean that ankle-length white dresses are universally flattering
Do they mean the average American women with a BMI of 45?
Why do people get married in a country with a 52% divorce rate? Let me amend that question, why do men get married in a country with a 52% divorce rate, when they are the ones who earn more money?
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» Don't you get it? PATRIARCHY is to blame. As it always is.
Posted by: H_H
» RE: Don't you get it? PATRIARCHY is to blame. As it always is.
Posted by: White middleclass male
» RE: Seems like it’s another look at me moment.
Posted by: JCrowe
» The remainder of your misogynistic post you can stuff...
Posted by: White middleclass male
» RE: The remainder of your misogynistic post you can stuff...
Posted by: JCrowe
» Another fun article for the guys! Irresistible, and provides another "look at me" moment for you
Posted by: Beck
» Bingo!
Posted by: hagwind
» Where's the upside for men today?
Posted by: gistre
» its not animalistic.
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Where's the upside for men today?
Posted by: jaby
» Maybe upward mobility?
Posted by: hagwind
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Posted by: frosty86 on Jul 5, 2007 4:04 AM
Current rating: 4 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Would you join a whites-only country club?
Marriage, besides having a male supremacist history (and present) has become so much of a capitalist industry these days. The father gives away his daughter (cuz, you know, he owned her) to the groom (cuz, you know, he will soon own her). But we have hundreds of thick magazines trying to sell expensive wedding dresses, rings, flowers, stationery, honeymoon trips, etc. We see big weddings like this in movies, magazines, advertised in the newspaper...if its somebody famous, they might show it on TV. Apparently, if you're not getting married you're not mature, not special, not serious. And the pressure is even worse if you're a woman and not married. You don't get cool labels like 'silver fox.' And why in the world is white supposed to be the symbol for purity? Is Black or a darker color supposed to symbolize sin and wickedness? If so, what does say about how we view people with darker skin? Futhermore, why do we only make the bride wear the white (i.e. symbolizing purity) outifit? It's like she's not to be sexual at all until marriage. And then there's the rings...great big gaudy, shiny, blinding rings given to women to show other men she's taken, she belongs to another man....but meanwhile just plain rings given to the man...he doesn't have to show that he's taken.
What a great institutition.
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» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: MartianBachelor
» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: frosty86
» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: MatthewSavage
» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: MAD
» Read any history lately, MAD?
Posted by: hagwind
» Nobility
Posted by: suprmark
» RE: Nobility
Posted by: MatthewSavage
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Posted by: EKSwitaj on Jul 5, 2007 4:55 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
elizabethkateswitaj.net
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» exactly... don't boycott bridal magazines, etc....
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: karyse on Jul 5, 2007 5:15 AM
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Personally, I can't believe that any woman (except, perhaps one who wants children) would submit to such a thing.
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Posted by: hagwind on Jul 5, 2007 5:40 AM
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So what is this wedding-dress trashing about? My first guess was that it's just an extension of the wedding industry: photographers are major players in the wedding biz. In my chambermaid days, I worked for an inn that was a popular venue for weddings, so I got to see quite a few of them up close but impersonal. Often it seemed as though the whole show was being staged so the participants would have photos and videos to look at later. My second guess was that these brides are rebelling against whoever funded the extravaganza, i.e., their parents, or maybe even against the conspicuous consumption aspect of it. If so, it's a no-risk form of protest compared to refusing to participate in the first place. As the article pointed out, The Dress is pretty much worthless the day after the party -- and hey, they even get some pictures to put in the album! (Do brides ever trash dresses that they made themselves?)
Dress-trashing really does seem to be all about the dress. Not about extravaganza weddings, or weddings in general, or marriage, or women's roles. In other words -- so what?
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Posted by: dannrusso on Jul 5, 2007 5:49 AM
Current rating: 4 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
1. there are many women who would kill for a dress even 1/8 as nice as those dresses (have you ever seen the video of the Filene's Basement wedding gown sale?) destroying them seems to be completely classless and unthoughtful and a complete waste of money
2. thousands of dollars on a wedding and a trashed dress? "Oh look at me...even though I'm already a bride and married and it's over, i NEED to be the center of attention again" just an excuse to CONTINUE to be a bridezilla...
sigh. what a waste of many things - money, sanity, film...
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Posted by: dannrusso on Jul 5, 2007 5:51 AM
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trashmydress.com
how about
donatemydresstosomeonelessfortunate.com
?
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» buyacheaperdress becausetherearemoreimportantthings .com
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» GetMarriedAtCityHall.com
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
» RE: GetMarriedAtCityHall.com
Posted by: Sushi
» RE: GetMarriedAtCityHall.com
Posted by: BobS
» RE: one more thought
Posted by: JCrowe
» Halloween wedding
Posted by: BlueTigress
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Posted by: janvdb on Jul 5, 2007 5:57 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
How about giving that money for health care in Africa?
But these self-obsessed nutcases aren't interested in deflating this wasteful, histrionic, theatrical, competitive over-consumption. They want yet another photo opportunity, yet another phase of the already overly complex series of little vignettes, yet another venue in which to pose, mug and present themselves to the camera, yet another obligatory scene in the drama.
B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oring!!!!
Look, everyone wants to be a star. Everyone wants to be the center of attention. Everyone wants all of Mommy's love all the time. Everyone wants to be a darling little princess.
But most of us learn to deal with the reality that we are not a princess at about age four or so. We learn that others exist for reasons beyond fawning on us at some point before kindergarten.
Only those suffering from immature delusions of self-aggrandizement think that spending thousands of their own money to stage some fake brouhaha, looping everyone they know into pretending to be in thrall and paying some hapless photographer to preserve their prancing selves for posterity is anything more than a childish indulgence.
Grow up, people. The whole thing is stupid. The dress is stupid and trashing it is just a little bit more of stupid.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Posted by: VZEQICVA on Jul 5, 2007 6:16 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Somehow I don't see this catching on anytime soon. I hope not. Have some self respect. Thanks, ANNA
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Posted by: JoshuaLudd on Jul 5, 2007 6:37 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Bullshit. Its just another little sliver of faux-rebellion. You want out of the loop???? Then stop letting culture tell you what you have to do with your life. Have a wedding you want, rather than run yourself ragged while spending obscene amounts of money for the wedding society (read: the wedding industry) tells you you should have.
You don't get out of the loop by throwing a hissy fit after you've gone through all the motions of what the loop requires.
The inability to conceptualize any real sort of rebellion from the systems that rule so many of our lives and our world is a sad fact for far too many.
These women are not empowered. They are not rebels. They are not "out of the loop". They are infantalized and are simply having a tantrum after doing exactly what they'
ve been told to do.... just as they will do the rest of their lives, sadly.
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» Yep- My sister's upcoming wedding
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
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Posted by: lib3288 on Jul 5, 2007 6:37 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» RE: Self Absorbed Idiots
Posted by: Bozly
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Posted by: veggiegrrrl on Jul 5, 2007 6:40 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» Or forget the marriage and live in sin...
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
» With out god everything is permitted. -Dostoevsky
Posted by: White middleclass male
» Too bad its not true....
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: With out god everything is permitted. -Dostoevsky
Posted by: christastropher
» Some, though, don't believe in sky monsters
Posted by: Beck
» the history of most religions proves that everything is already permitted...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» Hmm... so you're not worried about the errosion of your off-brand marriage...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: g on Jul 5, 2007 7:20 AM
Current rating: 3 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Congratulations to the photographer, another member of the Wedding Bandwagon, exploiting human idiocy and laughing all the way to the bank.
As for these brides, they disgust me. I can minimally understand throwing tens of thousands of dollars on a party that is supposed to celebrate a lifetime committment (well, that's the intention anyway, let's be charitable). But to throw the money in a narcissistic tantrum? Not as an "act of rebellion", as this idealistic writer would want us to believe, but because they are told it's the trendy thing to do, and so, like, they totally must have it... That is just gross. And husbands who don't get the hint deserve whatever is coming to them.
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Posted by: Cruella on Jul 5, 2007 7:47 AM
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Posted by: White middleclass male on Jul 5, 2007 7:49 AM
Current rating: 2 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
What do you think will happen when your little attention whore gets bored?
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» Well, it may never end up being a problem.
Posted by: Beck
» RE: I my wife did this...
Posted by: JCrowe
» RE: I[f] my wife did this...
Posted by: JCrowe
» Bored attention whore
Posted by: BlueTigress
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Posted by: kewpie on Jul 5, 2007 7:58 AM
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The best wedding I went to was small and intimate. Two of my siblings have had weddings like that and both are happily married!
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Posted by: christastropher on Jul 5, 2007 8:49 AM
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"Violent Passion Surrogate. Regularly once a month. We flood the whole system with adrenin. It's the complete physiological equivalent of fear and rage. All the tonic effects of murdering Desdemona and being murdered by Othello, without any of the inconveniences."
-BRAVE NEW WORLD
by
Aldous Huxley
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» Great Huxley quote!
Posted by: hagwind
» RE: Great Huxley quote!
Posted by: christastropher
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Posted by: trbl9 on Jul 5, 2007 9:23 AM
Current rating: 1 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If it is a sign of rage, who gives a shit about a spoiled brat's rage - except other spoiled brats? And who gives a shit about what other spoiled brats think? Baby boomers. They make spoiled bullshit antics timeless, because they still think this kind of crap is novel today - 30 long years after it ceased to be novel (with a brief nod to the other brats of proletarian struggle appropriation: Punks)
If only we could ignore it all, but the boomers keep guaranteeing they'll pay attention, because they can never stop thinking it is somehow themselves they are watching.
The vainest, greediest, saddest, most impotent and self-castrated generation ever. Can't wait til you're gone so human consideration and commonsense can emerge out of your suffocating embrace.
As one black man said - and you no doubt never heard through the fat paneling of your luxury vehicle driving through a neighborhood you would never set foot it in - because you are as white and as racist as your parents ever were:
"Move bitch, get out the way.
Get out the way, bitch.
Get out the way."
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» As the dead kennedys said...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: morticia
» There you are, morticia!
Posted by: owleyes
» Yo!
Posted by: morticia
» RE: Yo!
Posted by: owleyes
» RE: Yo!
Posted by: morticia
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: suprmark
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: morticia
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: armadillo17
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Posted by: mcubed on Jul 5, 2007 9:35 AM
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This sounds like just one more product to add to the long list of "must haves", along with the "after dinner mints" described in the article.
Michele
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» "want to rebel against the system? Here, we've got a product for that!"
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: world traveler on Jul 5, 2007 9:53 AM
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I think that fun gets lost in spending tons of money and people get too serious about it all.
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Posted by: MartianBachelor on Jul 5, 2007 10:01 AM
Current rating: 1 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» So the fact that the dress is bought and used... the entire institution of "the dream wedding" ...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: MatthewSavage on Jul 5, 2007 10:47 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
My wife and I actually made a profit on our wedding. The dress was $27 from the Salvation Army Thrift Store, was used twice as a dead bride costume, and everybody loved it at the wedding. Nobody knew unless we told them that it wasn't new, and was dirt cheap. Got married in a park near where my wife grew up, marriage commissioner conducted the ceremony and my father's cousin (an Anglican priest) blessed the wedding after. No big wedding cake, just lunch at a brewpub after. They baked and served the cheesecake.
It wasn't a complete rebellion against the wedding industry, it was just a ceremony that we wanted. Which is, perhaps, a rebellion against the wedding industry in that it didn't cost $25000 or more; our memories are just as good or better having only laid out $7000, including airfare to get us both home from Japan for the wedding and the honeymoon.
People need to get away from these huge weddings. If you want to get married, have the ceremony you want, not the ceremony your family expects. Rebel by not buying in at all, rather than the newly sanctioned officially sanctioned method.
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Posted by: morticia on Jul 5, 2007 11:18 AM
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Bridal power? Gag me.
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» Yeah... "punky"... rather than punk.
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Yeah... "punky"... rather than punk.
Posted by: morticia
» DANG! How will I ever escape the labels!?!?!
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: DANG! How will I ever escape the labels!?!?!
Posted by: morticia
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Posted by: DefeatBush on Jul 5, 2007 12:37 PM
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» RE: Questions
Posted by: morticia
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Posted by: MT512 on Jul 5, 2007 1:44 PM
Current rating: 4 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Behold in awe as I bravely stand up against oppressive cultural mores by following them to the letter with one meaningless exception! (And take pictures so I can prove my rugged individualism and superior rebel-coefficient.)
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Posted by: karma_ran_over_dogma on Jul 5, 2007 5:36 PM
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Posted by: BlueStateBitch on Jul 5, 2007 7:16 PM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Posted by: Aussie Kim on Jul 5, 2007 10:40 PM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Posted by: doinaheckuvajob on Jul 6, 2007 5:22 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Ok, so honey let's start our lives together with an insane debt.
American women are especially brainwashed to think their wedding day is supposed to be impossibly perfect and out of some weird story book with unicorns and fairy godmothers and magical shoes. It's completely absurd how so many Americans have to do what they are told-- it's all done a certain way, and if not, it's not ok. You have to have the huge reception, the expensive dress that usually looks ridiculous, all the men in suits on what's usually hot summer day, crappy cake and crackers, alcohol and people getting drunk, big church ceremony no one believes in. Mom controlling the ceremonies over what daughter wants, groom going nuts-- yes dear, couple fights and almost divorces from wedding preparation stress before they start the marriage, dad controls the money and says no to the romantic music but insists on a golf tourney as part of the reception, and someone's dogs run loose and ruin everything while a drunken ex boyfriend gets up and embarasses everyone with stories no one wanted to know about how hot the bride was in bed but the abortion was really her fault.
A hippy wedding with your own words and vows, poetry, music you choose, in a nice place you love like a state park, with a few closest friends and relatives will give you life long happy memories instead with a fraction of the stress and financial cost.
I want a hippy wedding, sweetie.
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Posted by: duck-lady on Jul 6, 2007 11:17 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» But people are falling in love!
Posted by: messedup
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Posted by: JCrowe on Jul 7, 2007 9:44 AM
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Posted by: MargieW on Jul 7, 2007 10:50 PM
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Posted by: BlueTigress on Jul 9, 2007 9:47 PM
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That was 16 years ago for me. I should really open the bag and see what it looks like. (Note: bag has not been opened since it was closed). I have also moved since then and bag is hanging in basement near leaky water pipes.
Maybe after I get back from my mother's later this week...
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Posted by: sashi on Jul 5, 2007 12:35 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» RE: my god. . .
Posted by: christastropher
» While I get your point... and love the way you presented it...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» My thoughts exactly when seeing yesterdays....
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: My thoughts exactly when seeing yesterdays....
Posted by: christastropher
» Oh, no no.... I suggest...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Oh, no no.... I suggest...
Posted by: christastropher
» "Competetive Fasting" = Anorexia
Posted by: kww355
» Don't put words in my mouth. nm
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: "Competetive Fasting" = Anorexia
Posted by: PirateJesus
» How about a TOFU DOG eating contest (organic, non-GMO, non rainforest soy beans)?
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
» RE: my god. . .
Posted by: Logic's Edge
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Posted by: White middleclass male on Jul 5, 2007 2:35 AM
Current rating: 2 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
"There's something about taking such a strong symbol of the wedding and destroying it, that liberates you ... frees you from the residual stress from the wedding ...
It wont free you from your credit card bill.
When people say all brides are beautiful, they don't mean that ankle-length white dresses are universally flattering
Do they mean the average American women with a BMI of 45?
Why do people get married in a country with a 52% divorce rate? Let me amend that question, why do men get married in a country with a 52% divorce rate, when they are the ones who earn more money?
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» Don't you get it? PATRIARCHY is to blame. As it always is.
Posted by: H_H
» RE: Don't you get it? PATRIARCHY is to blame. As it always is.
Posted by: White middleclass male
» RE: Seems like it’s another look at me moment.
Posted by: JCrowe
» The remainder of your misogynistic post you can stuff...
Posted by: White middleclass male
» RE: The remainder of your misogynistic post you can stuff...
Posted by: JCrowe
» Another fun article for the guys! Irresistible, and provides another "look at me" moment for you
Posted by: Beck
» Bingo!
Posted by: hagwind
» Where's the upside for men today?
Posted by: gistre
» its not animalistic.
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Where's the upside for men today?
Posted by: jaby
» Maybe upward mobility?
Posted by: hagwind
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Posted by: frosty86 on Jul 5, 2007 4:04 AM
Current rating: 4 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Would you join a whites-only country club?
Marriage, besides having a male supremacist history (and present) has become so much of a capitalist industry these days. The father gives away his daughter (cuz, you know, he owned her) to the groom (cuz, you know, he will soon own her). But we have hundreds of thick magazines trying to sell expensive wedding dresses, rings, flowers, stationery, honeymoon trips, etc. We see big weddings like this in movies, magazines, advertised in the newspaper...if its somebody famous, they might show it on TV. Apparently, if you're not getting married you're not mature, not special, not serious. And the pressure is even worse if you're a woman and not married. You don't get cool labels like 'silver fox.' And why in the world is white supposed to be the symbol for purity? Is Black or a darker color supposed to symbolize sin and wickedness? If so, what does say about how we view people with darker skin? Futhermore, why do we only make the bride wear the white (i.e. symbolizing purity) outifit? It's like she's not to be sexual at all until marriage. And then there's the rings...great big gaudy, shiny, blinding rings given to women to show other men she's taken, she belongs to another man....but meanwhile just plain rings given to the man...he doesn't have to show that he's taken.
What a great institutition.
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» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: MartianBachelor
» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: frosty86
» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: MatthewSavage
» RE: Marriage = Private Club
Posted by: MAD
» Read any history lately, MAD?
Posted by: hagwind
» Nobility
Posted by: suprmark
» RE: Nobility
Posted by: MatthewSavage
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Posted by: EKSwitaj on Jul 5, 2007 4:55 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
elizabethkateswitaj.net
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» exactly... don't boycott bridal magazines, etc....
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: karyse on Jul 5, 2007 5:15 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Personally, I can't believe that any woman (except, perhaps one who wants children) would submit to such a thing.
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Posted by: hagwind on Jul 5, 2007 5:40 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
So what is this wedding-dress trashing about? My first guess was that it's just an extension of the wedding industry: photographers are major players in the wedding biz. In my chambermaid days, I worked for an inn that was a popular venue for weddings, so I got to see quite a few of them up close but impersonal. Often it seemed as though the whole show was being staged so the participants would have photos and videos to look at later. My second guess was that these brides are rebelling against whoever funded the extravaganza, i.e., their parents, or maybe even against the conspicuous consumption aspect of it. If so, it's a no-risk form of protest compared to refusing to participate in the first place. As the article pointed out, The Dress is pretty much worthless the day after the party -- and hey, they even get some pictures to put in the album! (Do brides ever trash dresses that they made themselves?)
Dress-trashing really does seem to be all about the dress. Not about extravaganza weddings, or weddings in general, or marriage, or women's roles. In other words -- so what?
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Posted by: dannrusso on Jul 5, 2007 5:49 AM
Current rating: 4 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
1. there are many women who would kill for a dress even 1/8 as nice as those dresses (have you ever seen the video of the Filene's Basement wedding gown sale?) destroying them seems to be completely classless and unthoughtful and a complete waste of money
2. thousands of dollars on a wedding and a trashed dress? "Oh look at me...even though I'm already a bride and married and it's over, i NEED to be the center of attention again" just an excuse to CONTINUE to be a bridezilla...
sigh. what a waste of many things - money, sanity, film...
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Posted by: dannrusso on Jul 5, 2007 5:51 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
trashmydress.com
how about
donatemydresstosomeonelessfortunate.com
?
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» buyacheaperdress becausetherearemoreimportantthings .com
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» GetMarriedAtCityHall.com
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
» RE: GetMarriedAtCityHall.com
Posted by: Sushi
» RE: GetMarriedAtCityHall.com
Posted by: BobS
» RE: one more thought
Posted by: JCrowe
» Halloween wedding
Posted by: BlueTigress
Comments are closed-
Posted by: janvdb on Jul 5, 2007 5:57 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
How about giving that money for health care in Africa?
But these self-obsessed nutcases aren't interested in deflating this wasteful, histrionic, theatrical, competitive over-consumption. They want yet another photo opportunity, yet another phase of the already overly complex series of little vignettes, yet another venue in which to pose, mug and present themselves to the camera, yet another obligatory scene in the drama.
B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oring!!!!
Look, everyone wants to be a star. Everyone wants to be the center of attention. Everyone wants all of Mommy's love all the time. Everyone wants to be a darling little princess.
But most of us learn to deal with the reality that we are not a princess at about age four or so. We learn that others exist for reasons beyond fawning on us at some point before kindergarten.
Only those suffering from immature delusions of self-aggrandizement think that spending thousands of their own money to stage some fake brouhaha, looping everyone they know into pretending to be in thrall and paying some hapless photographer to preserve their prancing selves for posterity is anything more than a childish indulgence.
Grow up, people. The whole thing is stupid. The dress is stupid and trashing it is just a little bit more of stupid.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Posted by: VZEQICVA on Jul 5, 2007 6:16 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Somehow I don't see this catching on anytime soon. I hope not. Have some self respect. Thanks, ANNA
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Posted by: JoshuaLudd on Jul 5, 2007 6:37 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Bullshit. Its just another little sliver of faux-rebellion. You want out of the loop???? Then stop letting culture tell you what you have to do with your life. Have a wedding you want, rather than run yourself ragged while spending obscene amounts of money for the wedding society (read: the wedding industry) tells you you should have.
You don't get out of the loop by throwing a hissy fit after you've gone through all the motions of what the loop requires.
The inability to conceptualize any real sort of rebellion from the systems that rule so many of our lives and our world is a sad fact for far too many.
These women are not empowered. They are not rebels. They are not "out of the loop". They are infantalized and are simply having a tantrum after doing exactly what they'
ve been told to do.... just as they will do the rest of their lives, sadly.
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» Yep- My sister's upcoming wedding
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
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Posted by: lib3288 on Jul 5, 2007 6:37 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» RE: Self Absorbed Idiots
Posted by: Bozly
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Posted by: veggiegrrrl on Jul 5, 2007 6:40 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» Or forget the marriage and live in sin...
Posted by: veggiegrrrl
» With out god everything is permitted. -Dostoevsky
Posted by: White middleclass male
» Too bad its not true....
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: With out god everything is permitted. -Dostoevsky
Posted by: christastropher
» Some, though, don't believe in sky monsters
Posted by: Beck
» the history of most religions proves that everything is already permitted...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» Hmm... so you're not worried about the errosion of your off-brand marriage...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: g on Jul 5, 2007 7:20 AM
Current rating: 3 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Congratulations to the photographer, another member of the Wedding Bandwagon, exploiting human idiocy and laughing all the way to the bank.
As for these brides, they disgust me. I can minimally understand throwing tens of thousands of dollars on a party that is supposed to celebrate a lifetime committment (well, that's the intention anyway, let's be charitable). But to throw the money in a narcissistic tantrum? Not as an "act of rebellion", as this idealistic writer would want us to believe, but because they are told it's the trendy thing to do, and so, like, they totally must have it... That is just gross. And husbands who don't get the hint deserve whatever is coming to them.
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Posted by: Cruella on Jul 5, 2007 7:47 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Posted by: White middleclass male on Jul 5, 2007 7:49 AM
Current rating: 2 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
What do you think will happen when your little attention whore gets bored?
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» Well, it may never end up being a problem.
Posted by: Beck
» RE: I my wife did this...
Posted by: JCrowe
» RE: I[f] my wife did this...
Posted by: JCrowe
» Bored attention whore
Posted by: BlueTigress
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Posted by: kewpie on Jul 5, 2007 7:58 AM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The best wedding I went to was small and intimate. Two of my siblings have had weddings like that and both are happily married!
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Posted by: christastropher on Jul 5, 2007 8:49 AM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
"Violent Passion Surrogate. Regularly once a month. We flood the whole system with adrenin. It's the complete physiological equivalent of fear and rage. All the tonic effects of murdering Desdemona and being murdered by Othello, without any of the inconveniences."
-BRAVE NEW WORLD
by
Aldous Huxley
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» Great Huxley quote!
Posted by: hagwind
» RE: Great Huxley quote!
Posted by: christastropher
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Posted by: trbl9 on Jul 5, 2007 9:23 AM
Current rating: 1 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If it is a sign of rage, who gives a shit about a spoiled brat's rage - except other spoiled brats? And who gives a shit about what other spoiled brats think? Baby boomers. They make spoiled bullshit antics timeless, because they still think this kind of crap is novel today - 30 long years after it ceased to be novel (with a brief nod to the other brats of proletarian struggle appropriation: Punks)
If only we could ignore it all, but the boomers keep guaranteeing they'll pay attention, because they can never stop thinking it is somehow themselves they are watching.
The vainest, greediest, saddest, most impotent and self-castrated generation ever. Can't wait til you're gone so human consideration and commonsense can emerge out of your suffocating embrace.
As one black man said - and you no doubt never heard through the fat paneling of your luxury vehicle driving through a neighborhood you would never set foot it in - because you are as white and as racist as your parents ever were:
"Move bitch, get out the way.
Get out the way, bitch.
Get out the way."
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» As the dead kennedys said...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: morticia
» There you are, morticia!
Posted by: owleyes
» Yo!
Posted by: morticia
» RE: Yo!
Posted by: owleyes
» RE: Yo!
Posted by: morticia
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: suprmark
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: morticia
» RE: Age of Abundance redux
Posted by: armadillo17
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Posted by: mcubed on Jul 5, 2007 9:35 AM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This sounds like just one more product to add to the long list of "must haves", along with the "after dinner mints" described in the article.
Michele
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» "want to rebel against the system? Here, we've got a product for that!"
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: world traveler on Jul 5, 2007 9:53 AM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I think that fun gets lost in spending tons of money and people get too serious about it all.
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Posted by: MartianBachelor on Jul 5, 2007 10:01 AM
Current rating: 1 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» So the fact that the dress is bought and used... the entire institution of "the dream wedding" ...
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
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Posted by: MatthewSavage on Jul 5, 2007 10:47 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
My wife and I actually made a profit on our wedding. The dress was $27 from the Salvation Army Thrift Store, was used twice as a dead bride costume, and everybody loved it at the wedding. Nobody knew unless we told them that it wasn't new, and was dirt cheap. Got married in a park near where my wife grew up, marriage commissioner conducted the ceremony and my father's cousin (an Anglican priest) blessed the wedding after. No big wedding cake, just lunch at a brewpub after. They baked and served the cheesecake.
It wasn't a complete rebellion against the wedding industry, it was just a ceremony that we wanted. Which is, perhaps, a rebellion against the wedding industry in that it didn't cost $25000 or more; our memories are just as good or better having only laid out $7000, including airfare to get us both home from Japan for the wedding and the honeymoon.
People need to get away from these huge weddings. If you want to get married, have the ceremony you want, not the ceremony your family expects. Rebel by not buying in at all, rather than the newly sanctioned officially sanctioned method.
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Posted by: morticia on Jul 5, 2007 11:18 AM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Bridal power? Gag me.
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» Yeah... "punky"... rather than punk.
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Yeah... "punky"... rather than punk.
Posted by: morticia
» DANG! How will I ever escape the labels!?!?!
Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: DANG! How will I ever escape the labels!?!?!
Posted by: morticia
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Posted by: DefeatBush on Jul 5, 2007 12:37 PM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» RE: Questions
Posted by: morticia
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Posted by: MT512 on Jul 5, 2007 1:44 PM
Current rating: 4 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Behold in awe as I bravely stand up against oppressive cultural mores by following them to the letter with one meaningless exception! (And take pictures so I can prove my rugged individualism and superior rebel-coefficient.)
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Posted by: karma_ran_over_dogma on Jul 5, 2007 5:36 PM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Posted by: BlueStateBitch on Jul 5, 2007 7:16 PM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Posted by: Aussie Kim on Jul 5, 2007 10:40 PM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Posted by: doinaheckuvajob on Jul 6, 2007 5:22 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Ok, so honey let's start our lives together with an insane debt.
American women are especially brainwashed to think their wedding day is supposed to be impossibly perfect and out of some weird story book with unicorns and fairy godmothers and magical shoes. It's completely absurd how so many Americans have to do what they are told-- it's all done a certain way, and if not, it's not ok. You have to have the huge reception, the expensive dress that usually looks ridiculous, all the men in suits on what's usually hot summer day, crappy cake and crackers, alcohol and people getting drunk, big church ceremony no one believes in. Mom controlling the ceremonies over what daughter wants, groom going nuts-- yes dear, couple fights and almost divorces from wedding preparation stress before they start the marriage, dad controls the money and says no to the romantic music but insists on a golf tourney as part of the reception, and someone's dogs run loose and ruin everything while a drunken ex boyfriend gets up and embarasses everyone with stories no one wanted to know about how hot the bride was in bed but the abortion was really her fault.
A hippy wedding with your own words and vows, poetry, music you choose, in a nice place you love like a state park, with a few closest friends and relatives will give you life long happy memories instead with a fraction of the stress and financial cost.
I want a hippy wedding, sweetie.
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Posted by: duck-lady on Jul 6, 2007 11:17 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» But people are falling in love!
Posted by: messedup
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Posted by: JCrowe on Jul 7, 2007 9:44 AM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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Posted by: MargieW on Jul 7, 2007 10:50 PM
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Posted by: BlueTigress on Jul 9, 2007 9:47 PM
Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
That was 16 years ago for me. I should really open the bag and see what it looks like. (Note: bag has not been opened since it was closed). I have also moved since then and bag is hanging in basement near leaky water pipes.
Maybe after I get back from my mother's later this week...
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Vancouver's Games Will Be the Gayest Olympics Ever
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