News & Politics
DURST: You Can't Make Stuff Like This Up
April 25, 2000
YOU CAN'T MAKE STUFF UP LIKE THIS:* Michael Jordan has come out with a line of toiletries including asignature shampoo. Michael Jordan Shampoo. The hell would that be: a wet nap?* The US Supreme Court has determined that states can not requirepolitical candidates to take drug tests. So, I guess that would mean DNAtests for chromosonal damage and IQ minimum exams are totally out of the question.* A couple of scientists have made a claim that coffee can be used tofight cancer. The drug companies must now be readying vats to produceenough solution to soak one's tumors in.* The Gerald Ford Museum has just opened in Grand Rapids, Michigan. There are no stairs.* They also named an airport in Houston after George Bush. Shouldcall the tower the George Bush International Airport Vision Thing.* Congress has granted Frank Sinatra a Medal of Honor. Wonder if inthe spirit of things, whether in order to get it passed they twisted acouple of arms or broke a couple of legs?* A 63 year old Southern California woman gave birth to a healthybaby girl. The good news is the diaper service can kill two birds with onestop.* The military has adopted a policy allowing Native American soldiersto use peyote. It is probably known as "Tune In, Drop Out, Don't Ask."Will Durst is part Native American you know.