Osama turns 50 today!

Osama bin Laden is going to turn 50 on Saturday. The big 5-0. It's a special occasion. And George W. Bush got him the biggest present of all: 2006 days of freedom and well-being!

Man, that's thoughtful. Five and a half years ago, when bin Laden ordered the attacks against the Twin Towers, Pentagon and White House, he could not have imagined things going any better.

They hit three out of four targets. The United States government was asleep at the wheel. The American leader was so flummoxed by the attacks he sat around reading a children's book and looking like a jackass to the rest of the world. That same confused leader then invaded the country you were in but missed you as you strolled into Pakistan. Then he attacked the wrong country and deposed a secular leader you hated. He ran his army into the ground fighting the wrong people. And let you run free and uninhibited for 2006 days.

And now you're about to turn 50 - and you're still foot loose and fancy free. 2006 days since you attacked the United States and still no consequences. George Bush certainly knows what to get a guy. You couldn't have asked for anything more. He all about put on a party hat and sang you a song.