as the father of a six-month-old I must disagree with the whole premise of this article. I think it was wonderfully refreshing to be able to buy stylish clothing with my wife for both her and our daughter for the past year. In fact, both of our mothers were enamored with the fact that her style in clothing did not change just because she was pregnant. She didn't have to wear huge unflattering mu-moos which scream "Hey, look at me! I'm a social pariah!" I actually think that celebrities helping make pregnancy sexy (which it is) only makes pregnant women feel better about themselves as their body goes through unbelivable changes.

This is just my humble opinion based on what I've seen in the past year or so...excuse me, I need to go make a bottle... :-)

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There's one job they can't send to India...Or can they?

Not too long ago, parenting was a responsibility, and not much more. And a lot of us were better off under that arrangement.

Now parenting is a full-time obsession. Kids have become the center of the universe. Hence all of the overstimulated, misbehaved, overscheduled brats. Soccer parents got themselves into this one; the retail business is just feeding off of it.

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This trend certainly exists. It's there to fill the gap left in modern life by the absence of a sense of community. Women used to be treated as convalescents for weeks after a baby; now, in the States at least, they often can't even get sick time. The focus is on the baby, and possibly on looking great after the birth, instead of acknowledging the very painful and possibly traumatic experience of giving birth.

That said, people have always made choices and then regretted them. For those who don't regret their children, having all the doo-dads can be a real balm to the spirit. For those who do regret them, there are more choices now than ever before. If they need out of the house, they can find a way to get out of the house, and enjoy their children more when they're home. The trend allows for more balance than the previous rigid social structure of the family ever did.

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Pregnancy is nine months of physical slavery followed by agonizing hours of torture, permanent disfigurement and disability and, finally, years of brain death. If you must give birth, at least have a C-section and avoid the hideous tearing, muscle damage and disfigurement of your genitals. If you breast-feed (or if you don't) you WILL get saggy, so save your money for breast augmentation. I know what I'm talking about: I did it three times. I've had surgery to repair the damage three times (all after the third). And, even though I love my beautiful, talented, college-educated, childless children, I can't help but feel guilty every day for bringing them into this world filled with war, terrorism and hate.

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to our 17 1/2 year old's birthday. this article didn't include the 18 years of mayhem and scary things not to mention the gray hairs from worry, the cell phone as a gps locator, the black cloud of doom that enters the house when they come home, the sticker shock of the grocery store bill and the visits from the local cops towing your offspring to the front door.

3 born, 1 to go, come on july!

ps. there are some things that will come out over thanksgiving dinner that will make your blood run cold when one offspring says to another, 'remember when we......."

you want prada for baby, suv strollers and princess beds? dogs make nice children too!

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My comment may fall strangely on your ears. I am in my eighties -- a so-called senior citizen. No creatures other than humans have ever been able to sustain life into this last stage -- the stage beyond child-bearing. Most of you will be alive in this final stage of life.
I have raised my children. Now,I want to be a fore-runner for all of you active adults. I am speaking here to tell you that I want to help create in this last stage of 'elderhood' a meaning for our culture beyond fashion, even beyond buying and selling. I am referring to the wisdom that can be gathered from long years of experience in living. A few will hear me.

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Having a baby means everyone will cut you slack, give you the benefit of the doubt, forgive your lateness, your absences, and your generally nonavailability, assume you are wise and unselfish and loaded with love (more children=more love, get it?), and brimming with optimism about the future, that you love your spouse dearly, and have your Traditional Family Values in place, nailed down and hot-glued. Whenever things don't work out for you, you get to say, "it's the keeyidz, my keeyidz, it's all about the keeyidz." Be sure when you say the word baby, you widen your eyes and drag out the first syllable so that everyone knows how important the bay-bee is. It's The Most Important Thing, and the parent, by extension, The Most Important Person.

If you choose not to have a baby, you will often be viewed as unfeminine, man-hating, selfish, emotionally cold, non-nurturing. If you don't have a baby, the reasoning goes, you probably won't nurture a man, either. And man care can be so easily folded into child care it's ridiculous to look for a childless wife. You might have to fold your own socks!

So have the baby if you can't handle a little misapprehension from the public. Go ahead and have it, it'll make things all better.

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This article brings up some interesting issues. I think it's a shame that the author, who is a mother herself, seems to only highlight the negative aspects of motherhood. Many women realize having a child is not like getting a new dog or plaything, and it's demeaning to suggest as much. I think, rather, the problem is that women rely on motherhood to bring some kind of meaning into their lives. It seems to me, as a 24 year old law student surrounded by impressive, brilliant, motivated young women, that women who are disillusioned and unfulfilled with their careers look to motherhood for a sense of accomplishment and purpose to the exclusion of other interests. I look around at my friends in graduate school, who generally have a drive to succeed, and I wonder if they will stop working and drop their goals to contribute to society and make an impact on the world when they have children. Some women do. Some brilliant women end up working for big corporate law firms doing mind-numbingly boring tasks, stuck in the male dominated workplace, unfulfilled and disapppointed. This leads to women leaving their jobs to have children and not returning, resulting in a lack of women leaders in our society. And that makes for mothers whose sole purpose in life is mothering. Children deserve all the love and attention in the world, but they also deserve role models. They deserve mothers who are involved in the world beyond their front door, mothers who have their own lives. Children need love, but they need to see that the world does not in fact revolve around them. Furthermore, us women need to keep in mind that children grow up and move out, and then mothers are left to face the reality of their lives. What do they have to show for it? Some say the best contribution a woman can make to society is to raise a child to be a good person. I think in order to do this, mothers need to hold on to their own interests and motivations. In this regard, women need to keep in mind that having children may fill that maternal instinct that pops up every time they see a cute lady in a sexy maternity dress or a beautiful baby, but for both themselves and their future sons and daughters, women need to remember not to rely on their children as their sole source of fulfillment and pride. Women are powerful creatures, and motherhood is only one of our amazing, priceless talents. Whether new mothers choose to keep working or to stay at home, they should do everything they can to always remember their passions and inspirations apart from motherhood, to keep active in their communities, and to keep contributing to our world, which needs all the help it can get.

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When my husband and I decided to adopt our daughter, I thought I had braced myself for the motherhood myth. I'm still caught up in it, perpetuated by the society around me. My daughter is mentally ill. My husband and I both work in order to afford the medical care she needs. In the meantime, I have been criticized by principals who think she would be healthy if I were at stay-at-home mom, and by managers who told me to rethink my career in light of having a sick child. And then there are the parenting magazines who claim I can have it all if I just find the right balance. It's all a myth. I'm just hoping to survive.

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Having children made me change my work occupation in an office and worked according to the schedule of my now departed mother along with my husband. Worked weekends for years while my husband watch the kids on the weekend. I worked nights as a waitress in a diner and hardly slept. There has been a lot of sacrificing. Now that my children are 14 and 20 I am very happy to have them as I realize I am not invincible and will one day not be here.

Agree totally about the non glamorous part about being a mother. There are too many institutions making a lot of money on motherhood and creating a fantasy world out of bearing a child. Having children is a lot of work and responsibility and not enough is being done to help working families. More needs to be done as most families have both wife and husband working.

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Planning has become an obsession. Big mistake. Understand the cost of raising a child. Beyond that you have very little control. Nobody can sell you 'feeling well'' or a 'healthy child'. Trying to live up to unrealistic standards is draining and unrewarding. No wonder post partum depression is an epidemic. In the current world of marketing, everyone is a failure. Unless of course you buy what they're selling. Keep it simple. It can be a blessed event. Thanks ANNA

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Motherhood IS boring. YOU try to listen to your 5yo tell the same story 50 bajillion times and i GUARANTEE your eyes will glaze over.

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My interest was piqued by the title and not at all disappointed by the content of this article.

As a 27-yr old woman who has never had an ounce of maternal instinct (including not wanting to play house or to play with baby dolls as a small child) this validates much of what I suspect of my procreating friends. I have been noticing the motherhood in hollywood trend with trepidation, noticing my friends get sucked into it.

Another angle the writer could have noted is that this trend occured during the 1940s with actresses as well. When women start getting too powerful, popular culture pushes motherhood onto us. Bastards. Of course that created the 1950s myth of domestic bliss, which exploded with Betty Friedan and the second wave of feminism.

I'm sure this motherhood craze will pass, replaced with an even stronger, fresh feminist approach that will be much more focused than the supposed third wave. And when it arrives, I will be here waiting for it and will embrace all my friends who just had to try motherhood out to know for sure that it was totally not for them.

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Don't do it!

I had three babies and as much as I love my children, I do not recommend having babies / children. Women are being treated like cows, breeders. Bringing a baby into the world is serious business. Where is the healthcare for both the mother and the babies?

How can a mother raise babies without healthcare and of course $$$$ to support them? Who is going to take care of the babies while you are at work? Finally, is a few moments of sex with a penis worth bringing a baby into this world filled with war, terrorism and hate worth it? NO.

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While the "mommy trend" has certainly been noted for some time in the media, we need to give women some credit. I would argue that most women weigh very heavily the decision of whether or not to have children. Although the media has tried to make motherhood appear very attractive, most women know that it is the hardest undertaking there is. The media blitz on motherhood is not going to influence most women's decisions to have children or not.

On the flip side, as a woman who is nine months pregnant and whose decision to have children had nothing to do with pregnant celebrities, I will say that the options available for women in terms of fashion and creature comforts have made some of the discomforts of pregnancy a little more palatable. I am so grateful that my maternity clothing options have not been limited to Disney themes or other infantilizing styles.

One issue that this article touches on that needs to be examined more closely are the class issues touched on by the "mommy trend." Take breastfeeding, for example. I feel privileged to be able to try breastfeeding. I have shelled out extra money to take a four-hour class, to hire a doula and to purchase a number of little devices to make breastfeeding easier for me. Although breastfeeding is cheaper (not to mention healthier) in the long run, lower-income mothers are not going to be able to make the up-front investment that I have to ensure breastfeeding success. They also are less likely to have family members to stay with them and support them during the first couple of weeks to ensure initial successes. When these women go back to work, their lower-wage jobs are less likely to be supportive of pumping or to provide the privacy and time to pump. Finally, if they qualify for WIC or another program, formula is likely going to be subsidized enough for them to make it the most cost-friendly solution.

Rather than focusing on whether or not women are informed enough to make wise decisions about having children, let's focus on the socio-economic inequalities of mothering that the "mommy movement" brings to the surface. Give women some credit and get real about the issues at stake.

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Good god, I wish it were that easy -- if we could simply eliminate the fetishization of new motherhood as a fashion statement, then no woman with a lick of common sense would ever fall for the myth of maternal bliss.

This author -- who makes some interesting points -- seems utterly oblivious to the fact that the transformation of pregnancy and baby care into a red-hot consumer trend is merely the latest iteration of a cultural ethos that's been kicking around for several hundred years, i.e., the idealization of motherhood as woman's crowning achievement. It just happens that some whip-smart marketers have figured out that for urban-dwelling Gen X and younger women with money and social capital to burn, one's crowning achievement must also be culturally visible, status-marking and suitably hip.

Ours is not the first generation of mothers to be disillusioned by the realties of child-rearing. Thirty years ago, a sociologist named Jesse Bernard found that middle-class mothers were saying they loved their children, but hated motherhood -- they hated the social isolation, the lack of support, the attitude that caring for children is primarily the mother's responsibility. The fiction we're laboring under today is that so much has changed vis-à-vis the status of women since Bernard wrote "The Future of Motherhood" that any mother who admits "I consider myself to be carrying out a prison sentence and I'm counting the days 'til I am free" must be maladjusted, duped by the motherhood sell, or not cut out for mothering in the first place.

Alas, the sexist, racialized, class-marking ideology of exclusive motherhood is still going strong (see Susan Douglas and Meredith Michaels "The Mommy Myth" or Judith Warner's "Perfect Madness"). Ms. Stajic confirms this when she writes "An increase in the number of satisfied mothers will, in turn, produce more satisfied, grounded children. This will help to ensure fewer children get involved in gangs, drugs and shooting sprees and instead become functioning members of society, with lots of money to spend on things such as beautiful but unnecessary mother and baby products." Oh really? Is the essential ingredient to raising "well grounded," economically competitive, socially responsible, law abiding children mothers' personal "satisfaction" with their maternal role? Or do structural and economic factors perhaps have something to do with it?

The conflicts and concerns of affluent, urban dwelling hipster moms who suffer "through endless hours of disillusionment and boredom, until finally hiring a nanny and running screaming from the house" (or, alternately, "opt out" of their prestigious careers for a stint of stay-at-home motherhood) are shamelessly overrepresented in both mainstream and alternative media. The social, economic and cultural realities of American motherhood are far more serious and complicated, and are not helped by the fact that the U.S. is an extreme outlier among wealthy nations in providing basic social supports for maternal health and employment, or the welfare of twenty-first century families in general.

I respectfully caution AlterNet readers not to buy into the message that the world would automatically be a better place if women made more responsible choices about motherhood, even when it's delivered in the progressive-friendly package of responsible consumerism. Mothers and their choices are not the issue. Gender ideology and social values are.

Judith Stadtman Tucker
Editor, the Mothers Movement Online

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While accepting every denigration the article makes about the crass commercialisation of yet another sacred event in our lives, I pause to remind everyone that having babies is the only real reason we are here. It is all about the survival of the species.

Modern life, particularly post industrial revolution, has slowly but surely stolen our real purpose from us and has substituted one that effectively makes us servile to the capitalist machine. Nature still insists that we reproduce but the system makes it increasingly difficult to do so in an enjoyable sustainable manner.

That mothers these days have been brainwashed into believing that they could be doing something that gives them more pleasure than mothering, exemplifies the shortcomings of the anti human capitalist system under which we suffer.

Notice that many, if not most of the difficulties quoted by disenchanted mothers are strictly confined to the activities foist upon them by an out of control exploitative capitalist system. Were it not for that the vast majority of the supposed pressures that make child rearing unbearable would disappear. Even painful birth and cracked nipples could plausibly be attributed to poor diet, lack of exercise and pollution by toxins.

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I generally enjoy your articles but I found this one so disturbing that I could not even finish reading it. I am the mother of three children and have never had any of the resentment that is described in the article and in many of the comments. I am a professional working mother and naturally I have days when I want Calgon to take me away but I cannot imagine not having children. I enjoy my work as a clinical social worker but my children rank number 1 in all priorities. I am often disturbed with the competitive nature of mother's and try not to buy into the need to overschedule my children and avoid setting them on an utra-competitive track as I find competiveness to be a big factor in our society's problems. I love fashion and enjoyed a few special maternity outfits but beyond that the fashion industry never made me feel that having a baby was cool or trendy. You would have to be very naive to believe that having a baby was merely an accessory. The comments are also disturbing. Your boobs will sag with age baby or not.

Louise la Plante

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Alternet is in danger of becoming the People magazine of the net. My reaction to this article? WHO CARES??????

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As stated previously, such "trends" are the purview of the upper class, who have the time and money for such things. I would guess that most everyday Americans are a little too busy trying to get by to worry about the latest fashions at Pea in a Pod.

I find this article to be like so many I have seen in recent weeks: author picks a peeve and makes it into a national-level problem. I don't know of a single person who became a parent just to jump on some bandwagon - "Oh, Britney looked sooo cute in that jumper, I simply must get pregnant so I can wear it before the season's over!" Another article on how shallow women are, they can't even have babies without some celebrity role model to inspire them, complete with insipid "advice" on better decision-making.

When I was pregnant six years ago, only six years ago, maternity fashion was crap, especially if you were plus-size. It was depressing getting dressed in the last trimester, everything was dumpy and bland. Being able to make yourself look nice can go a long way toward helping yourself feel good each day. I am glad that there is enough interest in maternity fashion that corporations like The Gap/Old Navy (same thing I know) have starting making maternity clothes that look and feel good. (Not to mention nursing-wear that allows a mom to breastfeed in public without having to throw a stifling blanket over her baby.)

And BTW, most women who choose to breastfeed have easy access to a lactation consultant, through their local hospital, health department, or la leche league. A lactation consultant is not like having a personal chef or trainer.

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Remember -- some women DO have that "ideal motherhood experience:" the wives of the very very rich.

The rest of us are conoodled into miserable experiences in our attempts to imitate them, just like men who work 80 hours a week, take business risks and lose it all and/or pile on debt in order to imitate the lifestyles of those who make 10X as much money.

The wives of the richest 5% are well-positioned to live out this Martha Stewart fantasy of the "well-loved woman" who makes her living entirely by being female female female all day long. Sexy, cute, loveable -- that's the way to make money.

The rest of us are reduced to making ourselves useful.

What a drag.

The dirty little secret in all this: even the wives of the very very rich do not have SECURITY. They can be unilaterally divorced in a trice and plunged into the hell of low living standards, worry over bills, overwork, lack of support, no family leave, poor schools and bad daycare like the "rest of the world."

It can happen any day of the week and these anxious women know it very well. That explains the Prozac, the Zoloft, the botox, etc etc etc. These women are working very very hard to keep the wolf from their door; it's the easy life on a trapeze wire with no net.

So, yes, there are women out there who do "live the female fantasy" and just as men are tormented with images of the huge boats, huge homes, luxurious cars and glamourous women being enjoyed by the top 5% (and drawn into overwork and debt reaching for that), women are tormented by images of the pampered pregnancies, stay-at-home luxury, the huge SUVs, the nannies, the muraled nurseries, the doting husbands, the ballet-classed, ski-classed, everything-classed, uber-children of the top 5% (and drawn into pregnancy, loss of career, debt and overwork reaching for that.)

It is all about flashing the markers of upper-class life before our middle-class faces and watching us screw up in ways which make corporations money in our attempts to realize livestyles which are out of wack with our actual pocketbooks. We overwork, we overspend and we overborrow.

This enslaves women to the marriage and enslaves men and women to our jobs.

The discards and debris of the system are the women and children who are divorced midstream and plunged onto TANF, Section 8 and foodstamps, no jobskills, part-time lowpaying work and bad daycare.

We give up any chance at gaining financial control and freedom. We give up a shot at a sane, stable, financially intact lifestyle with leisure and freedom from striving.

Forget independence from the treadmill. Forget gaining some bargaining power with the boss. Forget quitting that highpaying job. Forget financial security. Forget walking out on the husband when we don't get respect. We are in hawk up to our eyeballs with expensive playthings we thought would make us upper-class -- big homes, big cars, expensive children.

That what this is all about. Class. Striving for lifestyles we cannot afford and losing our independence from the corporate treadmill in the process.

Women are encouraged to have children whose costs make the women totally dependent on their husbands, who are in turn working 80 hours a week for The Man.

All because we chase a delusion, an illusion of wealth we just don't have and we buy things we just can't afford, the baby the most expensive among them.

Give it up. Get self-employed. Get assets. Get yourself into a position to tell them all to go fly a kite and when they call you "unfulfilled" because you haven't popped that kid, remember "they" are selling sugarcoated poison -- for a reason.

They want to enslave us all. So they can get into the top 5% themselves.

Jan VanDenBerg

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Intelligent successful women overthink motherhood and wind up not having any at all, whereas the, um, less intelligent among us pump them out readily. Has anyone seen Idiocracy? The survival of the species depends on your willingness to put up with spit-up on your shirt, intelligent successful women notwithstanding. - A mother of two

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If there's any way to make money from any human activity or basic need, you can bet there'll be an alert profiteer there to take advantage of it by glamourizing and advertizing. We Americans seem particularly susceptible to the blandishments of advertizing agencies and all too eager to part with our money on whims. The baby industry is a good case in point. Contrast our growing population with the shrinking numbers of Japanese, Germans, Russians, and others. If people here used their heads, they'd realize that more people isn't necessarily a good thing. One estimate puts our population at 5oo million by 2050. Is that a good thing? I think not.

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Some of us are appalled at the pseudo-sanctification of pregnancy which seemingly accompanies the shameful absence of any genuine support for pregnant women who need it the most.

Children have been the target of consumer-driven Big Businesses for years and now so are pregnant women. It's all about making money off the backs of pregnant women, targeting those who have the disposable income with a gadzillion un-necessary goods and services, including Cesaeran removal. It barely qualifies as a birth, does it?

For more trenchant observations about the glamming of pregnancy and its flip side, the religious and political fetishizing of the fetus, check out Birth Pangs: linked text = here.

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People who are still mental children themselves should not even consider having children of their own. If you think your purpose in this world is to be given comfort, to be taken care of, to have as much fun as possible, to have other people do all your emotional and shadow work for you, to be as sexy as possible, to wear the most stylish outfits, etc.. you are NOT ready for children. If you think you should never have to work hard or sacrifice in your life, that the sole legitimate reason for doing anything is your own personal selfish gain, you cannot handle the responsibility of being a parent.

This self-centered mentality, by the way, is the REASON we live in a world full of war, terrorism and hate. The only solution we have is to raise the next generation to think of each other, not only themselves. This generation and the one that came before it (if not those that came before), in my opinion, are already pretty hopelessly compromised. To those screaming for more health care, for better paying jobs (or better paying welfare), for more status, etc... I can't say I disagree with you that we live in a selfish and unfair world, but ask yourself, what are YOU truly willing to give to those who have less than YOU? This mentality goes all the way up and down the social strata, and the people at the top could not perpetuate their power if there weren't so many at the bottom who are of the same mentality.

If you've grown up, if you recognize that life is give and take, if you have learned that taking care of and giving of yourself to those you love is life's greatest joy instead of a burden, you are on the right track to understand why so many men and women love their children and love being parents.

You don't need an excuse not to have children. It is your life. However, there is no need to belittle parents simply because you cannot fathom that level of maturity and responsibility.

That being said, in respons to the article itself, there is no ideal that corporate America won't whore out to make a buck, and this is no exception unfortunately. I can't call it a conspiracy because they don't hide their motives.

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But to be fair: "boring" probably IS the wrong word: there's way too much going on to be 'bored'
... benumbed, isolated, fatigued, depressed -- but never 'bored.'

And if the kids don't turn out 'perfect '... why then it's MOTHER's fault.

Slap that bitch !

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Trend??? Women, lots of them, having been having babies and becoming mothers as long as there has been time. Why do you have to characterize the choice to do so as strange? I am seven months pregnant, and if my breasts sag, fine. Why is it that in our society women feel as though they have to appear like fit 16-year-olds to be beautiful? And if the sickening mentality of the mall bothers you, stay away from it--that's my motto. The good thing about our society is that we are free to make choices, and conduct ourselves in ways that empower us.

If anything, I believe that having children will teach me a lesson that I would have difficulty learning otherwise: to be truly unselfish.

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This article cries out for 2 points:
1) While it’s hard not to be affected by the media blitz on celebrity moms and the latest expensive gadgets, the women who would care enough to pay attention are those who were into celebrity & consumerism to begin with. There are a vast number of women who do not live their lives waiting for the latest installment of these stories. And there are those whose life circumstances make celebrity lifestyles and conspicuous consumption irrelevant. Let’s give women some credit for the common sense to know that motherhood, like everything else in life, comes with highs & lows, pros & cons. What helps the most is real, honest, open, uncritical dialogue among women and mothers; dialogue that addresses their real experiences, their worries & joys, their challenges & successes, their disappointments & fulfilling moments. We can reduce our anxiety about the unknown, learn more about normal child development, learn about parenting styles and values, and support each other’s efforts. We hear what has worked for others and can pick those concepts that fit our lives and values. Over 30 years ago, a group of women designed just such a program that is going strong today. MothersCenter
2) The US is woefully behind most other countries in the concrete supports in place for mothers, fathers and families. We are one of only 4 industrialized countries that does not offer paid family leave - the other 3 are Lesotho, Papua New Guinea & Swaziland. It is still perfectly legal to discriminate against mothers in the hiring process in 27 states. For these and other reasons, the circumstances under which women do their mothering are far less than optimal and the so-called “choices” they have impact very heavily on their financial health. It has been said that in the US motherhood is the biggest risk factor for poverty in old age. Shame on us. As a result, many mothers, women and men are working for change. MOTHERS Initiative. A new report Work, Family & Equity Index: How the US Measures Up compares the US to other countries and is available at McGill Univ.

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Check out the posting on DameNation today about this topic. It's pathetic to think that people are so influenced by media's take on motherhood as all soft-focus glow. I'm not exactly sure that the media is to blame for any kind of post-celeb pregnancy boomlet, but certainly the tabloids and women's mags do make pregnancy look good, or at least easy. Sure, if you're a celeb zillionaire-ess, anything is possible. But where does that leave all the other mothers? Earth to moms to be: care giving is hard work.

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It's obvious corporate America is afraid that only poor "3rd world" women will be having babies. They need to promote upper middle class yuppie babies to be born and brainwashed into a lifetime of consumerism. Hence, the big window displays hawking wares that only rich women can afford. Corporate American fears the browning of our country and the less-ability-to-spend-spend-spend.

Here's the message: breed, whitey, breed.
Or should I rephrase this: breed, white anglo saxon Christians, breed.

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Sorry, no woman makes a decision to have a child because she wants to wear a cute maternity outfit or just can't resist some baby gadgets. Capitalism is capitalizing on the strata of our society who still have the money--or credit--to buy the stuff, and there is no more or less to the "trend" than that. Would I buy fancy stuff for my pregnant self and baby if I had the money? Sure. A lot of that stuff is nice, and there is nothing inherently morally reprehensible about wanting nice things and convenience. But would I GET PREGNANT just to have the opportunity to go shopping? You've got to be kidding. Telling a woman, "Now honey, don't get pregnant just because you like the styles," is kind of like telling her to think for 24 hours before she goes through with an abortion. In both cases, there's the assumption that women are capable only of thinking of style and personal convenience issues and incapable of responsible thought and action. Sorry, but this article should have taken women and their motivations a little more seriously.

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I have been a parent for almost twenty years and I will be thirty-seven in November. I did not plan to become a parent at sixteen and it has not been easy, emotionally or financially, but I do not have any regrets. Being a mother is the greatest role in my life. People have no idea how difficult and all-consuming being a parent is, particularly, a single, poor one so I do not want to hear about well-off grown women whining about motherhood. If I could raise children while receiving welfare and managed to see my eldest daughter finish high school and attend college without getting pregnant, so can they.

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I find the mother-attacking "conservative" posts responding to this article extremely odd in that they seem to wholeheartedly support the viewpoint that children should be treated as a commercialized fashion-accessory for materialistic women.

As a flaming liberal, I think what is realy wrong with commercialization is that it promotes the idea that the best part of parenthood is getting to buy clothes and gadgets (i.e., not experiencing children as part of a family but buying them stuff).

I guess it just seems extremely odd to me that people with a "conservative" ideology (i.e. women's lives should be limited to home and child-rearing, and if they aren't happy doing that it's because they are bad people) would get so angry at the suggestion that that motherhood is not always fun that they are actually advocating violence in suport the apalling notion that it's OK to replace parental time and affection with a shopping list.

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A lot of parenting classes use things like eggs to illustrate the difficulties of caring for a child. What if they borrowed and used cute puppies instead? (Say the puppies came from a rescue group.) Would that increase the number of pregnancies?
Some points:

> It would be good for potential parents / child-free individuals to learn about all the pros and cons of parenting. Hopefully much earlier on, people can learn "good" ways to process information towards making "good" decisions (part of which will hopefully involve critical thinking).

> The negatives of child rearing also applies to adopted children. But, keep in mind that adoption by "good" adopters may lead to a better life for the adoptee.

> Society tends to pressure people to raise children in certain specific ways that may adversely affects their personal lives a lot more than is necessary to raise reasonably healthy children.

> If children were raised in a communal atmosphere, individual parents could have more of their lives free from routine child rearing tasks by taking turns caring for multiple children. Older children could also help to varying degrees.

> If and when child rearing becomes a relatively simple part of living a good life (once again), then hopefully more people will avoid (unresonably) treating single parents as undesirable for romantic involvement (I recognize it is difficult and I think I am somewhat unreasonable about this too). May be if there was less social pressure to ensure single parents treat romantic interests as secondary to their children then that would help (this doesn't mean that one ignores responsibilities (e.g. a meow or bark that indicates distress may be enough reason to interrupt sex with a romantic interest, and if done sensitively enough, the interruption is unlikely to make an understanding romantic interest feel unduly neglected)).

> There were more points, I wanted to make, but ... I have a routine and mundane but enjoyable task to tend to ... the responsibility of feeding me as reminded by my growling tummy (funny / amusing and true).
Sincerely,
Aouie

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ludicrous: causing laughter because of absurdity; provoking or deserving derision; ridiculous; laughable

"However, turning something as life-changing as motherhood into a trend is, at best, misleading and, at worst, totally irresponsible. Some women, drawn in by the trend, become completely disillusioned when they realize that motherhood isn't always as delightful as donning the latest offerings from the runways of Paris (or the cheap runway imitations)."

A) is there a shred of data showing women are being "drawn in [to get pregnant] by the trend" of hip maternity fashionware? if that is the case, that is sad.
B) is there a shred of evidence showing women who were drawn in to getting pregnant by the clothing posters in shop windows are becoming "completely disillusioned" after making their choice?

This article sounds preposterous! The implications of this article are that women are drooling idiots!! Is that *really* what you want to tell readers?

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You wife has a good deal going there. Just put on a dress, dude!

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I' m curious about a potential poll I've given friends, trailing in the footsteps of Ann Landers who asked the big question first of parents with adult children,

IF YOU HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, WOULD YOU, WAS IT WORTH IT?

And 80% answered a big NO.

On this forum today I don't see anyone address the question of accidental pregnancies. Our primitive biological reproductive hormones take us women over in our early twenties and are pretty relentless in their savage urge.

Most women friends of my generation, in the absence of birth control then but also in the overwhelming desire to reproduce would classify our pregnancies as 'accidental'.

Some of us struggled in the dawn of the age of the working mother. Nothing ever prepared us for the juggling of constant demands of employers and children and finding daycare. None of us had dream marriages with a fully participating husband.

Being around children IS boring for some and it has nothing to do with intellect or career aspirations. I've seen female vice-presidents hang out with their toddlers all weekend and never get bored. I've seen stay at home moms hit the gin in the afternoon.

The thing is we can't predict our maternal behaviour until we've actually brought forth the child.

And for some it does have rewards. For others, like me, it can be devastating in its pain and disappointment.

But to make it a fashion statement takes it beyond the bounds of anything I've known. It reminds me of picking up a puppy at the humane society and discarding it, as some do, in a few weeks when it becomes larger and untrainable.

And yes, our tiny planet has burst at the seams. Why on earth do we continue to breed like there is a future for the unfortunate infant?

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where it counts, until he gets over the idea that physical pain makes people behave how he thinks they ought to behave. All people are boring. Children are fascinating. they are also boring. As long as they're human, they'll be everything humans can possibly be. Mothers, too.

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Same thing they do with everything... buy more more more more more more more more.. even if you don't need it.

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At a conference on child care, we were discussing those babies who cry for an hour or so every day, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it. They cry on schedule, are inconsolable, and then it is over. Every day. The presenter told of her baby, who for over a year, cried for exactly 70 minutes, every day, starting at 10 a.m. On Sundays, this family attended a church with a nursery. The nursery was right next to the high school Sunday school classroom. Every Sunday, the baby cried the entire Sunday school hour.

None of the teens who had been in that Sunday school class had a baby before the age of 25.

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I have to laugh a little bit. There's nothing new about marketing baby goods. Trendy maternity clothing is a little new, for the simple reason that looking trendy during pregnancy doesn't matter so much if you're a homemaker, but if you have a job, it does indeed still matter. In a way, it's good; we have realized that women can be pregnant and professional and trendy at the same time.

As for trendy baby goods, they've always been around to some extent. Hopefully most people will exercise a modicum of common sense and realize that designer baby goods smell just as bad as moderately priced ones after a spit-up or diaper leak. But, as always, some won't, or are status-conscious enough that they'll fork over the extra money anyway.

There will be babies and pregnancy for as long as humanity as we know it continues to exist. And as long as capitalism continues to exist, someone will try to make money off of it.

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This "anti-motherhood" attitude is really old! I mean, I heard and read things like this more than 30 years ago, when I ended up an "accidental" single parent! Yes, motherhood can be boring. Pregnancies can be uncomfortable and labor painful. And yes, it's hard for working mothers(I was one). All of these things are perfectly true. And yes, you can see the "wonderful, painfree pregnancy" signs all around you, if you care to look. Oh yes, I too, am tired of seeing every little detail of some vacuous celebrity's pregnancy and parenthood. As if I care. And no, I've never regretted the birth and raising of my daughter, though it was often difficult financially and emotionally. I would have liked to have had more support for raising her, though. And I would have liked more respect. But I never, neverregretted being pregnant or being a parent. It was part of my life. I have gone on, now that my daughter is grown and on her own, but I look back to much of it with the same mixture of joy and sadness that I suppose every parent feels. And no, the "celebrity stuff" and the "consumerist" stuff interest me not at all.
Anne Gilbert

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When I was a kid I decided NEVER to have children. When I was in 10th grade health class and I announced that I was NEVER going to have children (this was 1961) you would have thought I'd exploded a bomb! People could NOT believe I was telling the truth. After all, ALL women want to have children.

Well, I never did. I wouldn't bring a child into this sick, insane, and over-populated world if you gave me a million dollars.

And not for one little second do I regret never having had children. It's the best decision I ever made.

For most of the 1980s I owned a health food store. I often got into discussions with my customers, many of whom were women, and I canNOT tell you how many of them told me that, if they had been able to live their lives over again, they would NEVER have had children!

Motherhood is NOT for everyone - just because you can biologically have a kid, doesn't mean you SHOULD have a kid. Sometimes I think that if half the women in this world refused to have children, our planet would be a better place to live.

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Please, everyone. Cool it. Settle down and re-read the article once you've lost your defensive edge.

Almost everyone who has posted a comment has misunderstood the intent of this article. It's not about attacking mothers. It's not about stupidity or overpopulation. For all you women (and men) who feel as though this article is an insult to you, please realize that this article isn't about mothers...or non-mothers. All these comments, however well-meaning, have nothing to do with this article.

The article is about the fact that corporate america acting in an irresponsible manner. These companies (and those who lead them) are promoting and supporting a culture of ignorance and irresponsibility. They are doing so in what is easily the most important decision anyone could ever make.

Sure, misleading advertizing is nothing new. But, that doesn't make it o.k. And, with regards to parenthood, it's totally irresponsible.

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Motherhood is what's kept the human race going since the first two amino acids got it on to make the first proteins. Get over it!

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..I'd like to say this: Whuh?

With the possible sad exceptions of - I imagine - a very few very impressionable young women, is there really any evidence for the claim that pretty diaper bags and the example of Heidi Klum are convincing women to have babies? REALLY? Or that many new mothers are bored or frustrated to the point of *regretting* their decision to have children? Would send them back, like a regretted purchase? Please.

My response, HERE.

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i don't know if the marketing of maternity clothes means the same thing as marketing the idea of maternity.

For as long as I can remember, and apparently for generations back, girls were groomed for eventually becoming mothers.

They are (now, it used to be religiously forbidden) given baby dolls, they are assigned to babysitting as soon as they are big enough to change a diaper and articulate enough to call for help if things get out of hand.

But i think what has happened is the idea that there is this HUGE market that hasn't yet been exploited, making clothes for pregnant women that don't look like a couple of oversized bags sewn together.

Quite naturally the Exploiters are going to jump on it like a pack of starving wolves on a pork chop.

Shoot, they smell money where there is none,.... yet...

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Billions of 'noids with billions more on the way just has that effect on me.

Cutesy clothes wouldn't change that.

No offense!

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Except for comments like yours, and there are a couple along the way, I learned nothing new from either the original piece or the comments. (That the US has the highest birth rate in the developed world did surprise me.)

I know mothers who love having babies. I know mothers for whom it is life's greatest punishment. So knowing what you want and can handle (willing to accept responsibility for, whether or not) is what life is all about to begin with, no? In what area of living is that not the case? Duh uh.

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Take her advice, don't do it! The experience is dreadful.

However, if you are really actually married to a man, then talk to him and if he is willing to do what he can, then maybe you can give it your next 20 years. Speaking for the man, he cannot cary it for you, but if he is willing to wake up at 2am and run a croupy 2-yr-old to the emergency room, if he is willing to spend the weekend out of town with his kid's travel ball team, if he is willing to sweat and sacrifice with you, then do it.

Again, if you are not married, forget it. It is a dreadful nightmare experience. Just don't do it!! No more bastard children please.

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In our hyper-commercialized culture, everything is a commodity, whether it be motherhood, romantic relationships, friendship, etc.

On another note, I feel this article ignores those mothers who do not have the financial resources to afford the latest maternity fashions or designer cribs. While upper-middle class suburban women who have children to fit in with the other suburban soccer moms, buying into the trend of a fashionable motherhood, do contribute to a growing population of unwanted children, poor and working poor mothers who are uneducated of the serious responsibilities of being a parent and who do not have access to affordable birth control contribute far more. Our focus should be on making family planning education and contraceptives more accessible to lower class potential mothers, not on saving spoiled soccer moms from the latest marketing trend.

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The other day I was sent an award winning commercial in which a young father and a five year old were in the grocery store. Twice the kid tried to put a bag of candy into the shopping cart and when his father twice returned it to the shelf, went on a classic temper tantrum, throwing things, screaming and lying on the floor kicking. The father had to stand there while the rest of the customers looked at him in disapproval. Then the message appeared on the screen - USE CONDOMS

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The problem is not that attractive clothing and gadgets have made motherhood more appealing. The real problem is we are fed over and over again that children are to be the center of a woman's life to the exclusion of anything else without realizing how isolating and unrealistic this is. When I was growing up all that a mother needed to do to be considered good was to feed, clothe, house her children, make sure they got decent grades, stayed away from drugs and out of jail. Now you have to feed them home grown organic food, teach them foreign languages in utero, home school them because God forbid the teacher not pay attention to your special bundle of joy every second, and stimulate them every moment of the day. When do these women ever get a break? It's nuts. We have the breast brigade who yell at you for not breast feeding your kid until they're in college, and we put so many expectations on these women that they end up quitting their jobs to get it all done, thinking it will make them happy. Which it won't, because while you may be busy at home, and you may even be entertained, you're not going to be stimulated by your toddler's eloquent speeches. In the past few weeks my co-workers and I have had good discussions on the military industrial complex, moving up primaries, parental responsibilities, and, of course, Anna Nicole Smith. Try having those talks with a child. The only "stimulating" discussions I've had with kids lately is to ask why there was a tent set up in my dining room, why he didn't dry his feet off when he got out of the shower, why you need to get in the damn booster seat so I don't get a ticket, and why brothers should get along. I'm lucky---they're not mine. My middle sister is lucky---she has a job to go to where you wear nice clothing and eat things that don't come with a toy. But some of these women, like my oldest sister, are stuck at home with the knowledge that by the time they're finished living up to society's expectations their job skills will be so rusty they can only get work holding a real estate sign on a street corner. Instead of talking about nice clothes, strollers and gadgets, we should be asking why we let nuts put these sick, twisted requirements on us, why women with degrees and huge student loan debts are staying home, and why we pretend that loving someone means we'll never have a dull moment or need a break.

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Although you make some astute observations, your central premise that these people are simply taken in by the advertising and don't do the requisite research for something as life-changing and complex as reproduction is pretty difficult to accept. Even if you're correct, it's hard to feel sympathy for people who don't do their homework for something that has such impact. Would these people get cosmetic surgery, brain surgery, buy a house, move to a new neighborhood, go to a college, buy a car, or even order dinner without doing the proper background work? If that's the case, I can only say tough.

Remember, breeding is a lifestyle choice. You can choose to be Childfree.

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I agree with much of this article, being a stay at home mom to a 4 month old. I had my baby later in life (40) and was lucky to not have any major pregnancy problems and a short, easy labor (vaginal birth, cannot understand how having your flesh sliced open could possibly be better or easier).

The big shocker came when we came home--lack of sleep left me almost hallucinogegenic. I had a few weeks of severe baby blues that left me crying and thinking that I had made a huge mistake. I breastfed at the beginnig and had cracked, bleeding, and sore nipples. My daughter seemed to want to be on my breast 24/7, and though I know this is normal in a newborn, the resulting immobility drove me nuts.

We have fallen into a more stable pattern. I quit breastfeeding, which left me feeling very guilty. My daughter is happy, healthy, and loved, however I still get resentful when she refuses to nap and I cannot take a shower, have some lunch, or clean the house.

I have found myself watching the clock so I can have a glass of wine at a "decent" hour. Ironically, the baby sleeps better in restaurants, so I spend more time dragging friends out so I can linger over margaritas while she sleeps. And now she wakes from another catnap while I have not finished this posting, but I must stop to tend to her...

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Yeah here's the thing: Happiest baby on the block was an unbelievably useful book, as I am finding happiest toddler on the block to be. Far from gathering dust they are both dog eared. Check out dr. karps videos too, the 5 s really really work you owe it to yourself to try. Granted MY child is exceptional of course so it may not work with yours - JK!!

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I think this article really misses the mark, beginning with the very first premise: that motherhood is "hot."

Motherhood is not "hot" right now, nor has it every been particularly "hot" in the past or will it be "hot" in the future. There will always been starlets who gush to magazines about their babies upon babies upon babies (Angelina Jolie is the new Mia Farrow). But there will also always be starlets - and politicians and musicians and whatnot - who have NO interest in babies. In fact, I would argue that with the advent of the Internet, childless people are much more visible. (You'd have to ask childless people whether society is getting more accepting.)

I think what the author means is that motherhood is "hot" in the sense that preggers actresses all over the celebrity glossies right now. But celecbrity glossies are all over *everything* these women do; that's why two of them have checked into rehab in the past month. Whether its clubbing, giving birth, shopping, marrying, dancing on tables - anything and everything they do is fetished.

The author is right about the corporate-ization of motherhood. But guess what? That's what corporations are *supposed* to do: sell baby products to moms (and dads). This has been the case forever, but particularly post-WWII. Its Women's Studies 101: women are the primary purchasers for the home so Madison Avenue makes women feel insecure about themselves so they buy their way into a false sense of security.

Icky, yes, but it doesn't mean marketing products towards moms is anything new, or endemic of the supposed fetishization of motherhood. The area where all this motherhood meets capitalism stuff gets dicey - where I feel concern, and I assume the author feels concern as well - is when products are marketed as, "You need XYZ in order to be a good mother. Without it, you are a bad mom!" I believe there was an article in The New Yorker, possibly written by Caitlin Flanagan but I don't remember, a few years ago, on this very topic.

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Wake up to the fact that your lives are being controlled by the macho culture, i.e., totally screwed-up men (and women eg Condi Rice, Hilary Clinton) who have no idea what humanity is. None whatsoever! Money $$$$$$$$ is their only god. Take your life back. Its yours. Not theirs!!!

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Gee, O'Keefe you are a paragon of compassion, a bleeding buddha in our very midst. Being married doesn't necessarily mean one has insurance benefits, etc, and lots of $$$. But I'm sure you have your mind made up...

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You know, for the entire history of humanity, women have had a fairly accurate idea of the cost of motherhood. Largely because they watched their own mothers raise their younger siblings, and took on some of the burden themselves before they were even teenagers. They watched their sister's and aunt's babies and knew long before their own newborn arrived how to care for an infant. They also had their own mother, sisters, aunts, and nieces to help with their own children if they wanted or needed a break! But they knew, realistically, that for the next decade or two, they'd be putting their own needs after their children's. That this would not always be pleasant.

They didn't get their information from commercials, but from sitting around a table with other women, many with fussy babes in arms, and hearing about the travails of childbirth and childrearing. The fussy babes would be passed around for all to admire and to give Mom a chance to breathe. Of course, most women had no say in the matter of whether or not they would become mothers. But they at least had some knowledge of what they were getting into.

Our society is very weird in that a woman can have a baby and honestly not know what to do with it. It is tragic that women try to raise their children without the support and help of at least one other female relative or close family friend. Why have we become so isolated from our families? We only hurt ourselves.

My youngest brother was born when I was 15, so I had a lot of the responsibility for his care. And why not? My mother'd done so much raising me and my other brother. She deserved some help, and I love the little darling brat dearly, so I didn't mind in the least. ;) It was just natural, but maybe that's because part of my heritage is Mexican and therefore more traditional. I can't WAIT to have children of my own. I think it will be my greatest accomplishment.

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The fantasy of a fairy-tale motherhood experience is nothing new. It did not just pop up because of fashion trends and the hard sell, though these things are perpetuating it. When I had children 40 years ago, nobody told the truth about motherhood. And when we discovered how hard it was, we still didn't 'fess up. In fact, I'm delighted that these days so many mothers are saying the kinds of things you're saying in this article--there's much more honesty among women these days about what motherhood is really like. Maybe that honesty will be a useful counterpoint to the most recent methods of delivering the fairytale version of motherhood. I hope so.

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